Wandi Juma'at speaking corner

Fear

2011-05-08T10:15:00.001+08:00

Whenever i think of my mum and grandma I just feel so sad. I'm so fearful if I'm not able to repay their kindness.

Leaving it all to Him

2011-05-08T10:11:00.001+08:00

I seek refuge from satan the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Sometimes i just feel so sad that it's not within my means to help those who had sacrifice their lives and money for me.

This morning I just feel so sad all of sudden and I broke down while praying.

And sometimes it really saddens me to see people who mistreat the orphans and less abled.

Oh my Lord, please give longevity to those who had me, give me strength and bounty so that I may repay the deeds of those who had helped me.

Oh my Lord, please protect me from getting blind when thou has grant me wealth. Instead my Lord, guard my faith to keep on giving back the poor, to the orphans, to my friends and to those who had helped me especially my grandma and my mum.

Oh my Lord please take not my mum and my grandma before I could repay their kindness.

Oh my Lord, if this world is too tempting for to the ways of evil, please keep my faith strong towards the deen. If my faith is not strong please take me when I'm still in faith.

Oh my Lord, if thou take me away, please protect my family and my loved ones. Guide them to victory both in this world and the hereafter for Thou art the granter of bounties and Thou art the Guardian.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah. The Lord and Cherisher of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Judge not

2011-04-06T23:16:00.003+08:00

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

"Judge not that ye not be judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what ye mete, it shall be measured to you again".
KJV Matthew 7:1-2

Tendency are that we judge situation from our perspective without knowing what the other person is going through. Perhaps, we think the other party is just enjoying their life making decisions so easily. Well, i am learning from experience i guess.

"And how canst thou have patience about things about which thy understanding is not complete?".
Quran Al-Kahf:68

Today, i've spoken but i may not be heard. I am sorry to everyone i've offended or hurt. I have no malice intention though i may be selfish. I'm sorry.

Peace be upon you.

Spoken but not heard

2011-04-06T23:00:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and cherisher of the worlds. Praise be to Allah for the rewards He had given me. Despite the abundance of free time i have, i don't know why i am not blogging and putting my time to good use. I've totally failed my time. Not putting it to good use.

There are a lot of questions ringing in my mind. I am confused whether i am stressed or not. It seems that my hands are free but then i feel so fatigued mentally.

Praise be to Allah that i am contented with my situation and life now. Nonetheless, i've slipped into complancency with the lack of learning. It seems like my life stopped. My thirst for knowledge stopped.

I feel so sinful for failing to fulfill my duties. I've been so sinful lately with my words and actions. It seems like this state of contentment is ruining my life. Omg, please help me. I feel so guilty for not fulfilling everything. I'm like floating nowhere. Confused. Happiness is what i want but then i've become a very laid back and reserved person. No longer the Wandi i used to be. Peace be upon you. May Allah bless us all and guide us to the straight way. Insyallah.

Up Hill, Down Hill

2011-02-08T01:44:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

I thought things would go smoothly. Then again, a road that has no obstacles probably leads you to nowhere. I thought things were moving on smoothly after that tough time i had. Then again, up hill, down hill.

The test of life comes again in another form. I was just saying it to Fairuz about how would she react if she was confronted by a particular situation. Then God Almighty decided to put my words to the test and He put the test on me. This can be tough but then again...

I'm really sorry if i've hurt anyone out there. No intention to do it on purpose. These are pre-planned. For everything happens with a wisdom and Allah is the best of all planners.

From Him comes guidance, thus i surrender my will to him and seek his guidance. May He provide me with the necessary guidance. Insyallah.

Peace be upon you.

14 days

2011-01-10T02:44:00.002+08:00

I wonder why 2 weeks can make me feel so hurt and heartbroken. I really wonder. No words to describe. I pray for things to get better soon. This is tough but i guess i'll survive it. Too much things now in mind.

Just a stopover?

2011-01-07T00:58:00.004+08:00

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Its been sometime since i've blogged. Well, since i have no other form of letting out my feelings, the only way is here. Praise be to Allah, for making this channel of communication still available.

Just a stopover... Its so ironic that a man that doesn't love a women initially is like begging for her love now. Its seems like every advance i try to make is being rejected. I'm heartbroken and confused. I don't know if i should pursue this any further or not. Maybe i shouldn't. Maybe i should just focus on the things i had been doing when i was single.

From the picture you've painted to me, it seems that your personal problems, pressure at work, pressure from me resulted in this. I do agree that initially at the moment of pure sadness, i asked for a time off but then again, something inside me is like telling me no time off. Perhaps maybe we should go through all thick and thin together. To me its either i am with you supporting you or we just go on our own paths. I am rather impatient but i just hate waiting and its like so depressing now. I do admit that i've made a lot of mistakes and i sincerely apologize for that.

However, i am not getting the response i want. Maybe i had been giving you a tough time and yeah, perhaps i should loosen up and let go of things. Perhaps, this would allow you to make wiser decision. Maybe there are blessings behind this. For sure that it will make me sad, perhaps for one day, two days, one month, two months but Insyallah, Allah will show me the wisdom as what the Quran says in Chapter 2:216

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not".

Sometimes, your actions showed that you really don't care about me at all. Not a single bit. Sometimes you are just so lovely. I'm confused, my heart is shattered and i got no might to carry on with my daily life. Please Lord, give me the strength. I wonder how much effort you put in trying to make me happy and understand my feelings. I may be as tough as i seem. Every man there's a weakness. And its a open secret that everyone knows that men greatest weakness is women.

I don't know if i've done my best but i hope i had. If i hadn't then i hope that i will. If i had done my best, i surrender my will to him. The verse below (2:117) explains it

"To Him is due the primal origin of the heavens and the earth: When He decreeth a matter, He saith to it: "Be," and it is.

Many a times, the biggest challenged that is posed to me is matters of the heart. Not the first time, though i hope it would be the last. There are just too many things making this situation complicated and tough one to handle but i am sure if you put the trust in me and willing to give it all, then rest assured i'll be there for you. I am sure we can do it together but then again maybe i shouldn't be pinning too much hopes.

Now, this is one of the toughest challenge i have to face. Added to that, i still have matters of work, matters of school and now matters of the heart. Nonetheless, as what is said in Quran 2:286

"On no soul doth God Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

Deep down, i am confident that i will get out of this mess. Its just a matter of time. Like what the army says "Tough times don't last, tough men do". Insyallah, i'll be part of the tough men.

Keep telling yourself Wandi "40 days, 40 days, 40 days". Thats approximately how much time i have before a new chapter of life begins. Please Lord, give me the strength and courage to succeed in whatever i do.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Takbir

2010-11-20T03:56:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

There are a few things that i feel sad when i listen to it.

One, jiwang songs. Well, the purpose of listening such songs are to get dragged.

Two, the takbir. On Hari Raya, i was like lost. Tears all over me at MK. Today, i was like holding back my tears at a mosque in the west of singapore. After Friday prayers, the takbir was like called. I was like so damn sad. I dunno why.

Life, as always had always and i think will continue to be tough. Well, i'm glad i'm still survining. I got nothing else to say but just feel dissappointed and sad. Life oh life.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Publicity stunt

2010-10-06T01:21:00.003+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Well, with reference to the last post. I would like just to clarify that the last post was never a meant to be a defaming post, attention seeking or any negative aspect. It was just a post to let the web hear me. I always need a listening ear. I cannot deprive others of the time that they have to commit with their things thus, i personally feel that blogging is a good way to let your feelings out. Somehow, i feel a bit. a bit better that is after blogging and puffing :) Thats all. If that post had defamed, offended or insult anyone, i am sorry. Never intended to.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Suspicion and jealousy

2010-10-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Its really a tough time but i tried to keep whatever Kalimah i know in my heart and on my lips. Insyallah. Oh Lord Almighty, please assist me and ease this stage of life. Please grant me the attributes of those you blessed in going through this stage. This is not the first time, so i should know how to handle this. Once again, all challenges come at once. Tawakkal and sabar is the only thing i can do for tough times don't last but tough men do.

I know that i've hurt others and the torture they have been through or are going through or may go through may not be as much as i am going through now. I don't know for sure what is going but i know You know what is going on and what is best for us for You are the Al-Alim. Please help this weak being of Yours in going through all the challenges he may face.

Its been sometimes since i qouted verses. I feel relevance with this verse from surah An-Nahl, verse 12.

"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it... But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful".
49:12

Despite the challenges i am going through, Alhamdullilah, God Almighty, have granted me wisdom and through this wisdom, my learning journey continues even without my iPhone. Despite all this emotional and financial turmoil that i am going through, i still thank You for whatever good things that you had, have and will give to me. Alhamdullilah.

Today, i feel so bad for committing an offence with regards to the verse qouted above. A glimpse of a girl sitting on a bike just brings back memories sometimes jealousy and suspicion. Whenever there are flashback, my heart just sank. When the flashback fades, i thank Allah for all his signs and giving me the strength to carry on despite thinking i wouldn't be able to make it. Maybe, this could be a sign that we are not meant to be together or maybe this could be a sign that we would learn to appreciate each other more if we got back together. I am not hoping cause i doubt it will happen. Different worlds i guess. It happened to S, C, S and now... Whatever it is, i guess i am just leaving it to fate. I just pray we both get on well and succeed both here and in the afterworld. Insyallah.

I did some spying and content analysis which was fuelled by jealousy and suspicion. Oh God, please remove this undesirable attribute of me. As a result of this, i feel so down now. Tears feel like coming. Insyallah, i will hold them back if i can't, i'll let it go.

This seems to be a fifty fifty issue. Flashback brings tears for all the good things we have put in the relationship. Well, maybe its her contribution and never mine. I guess i never contributed in any relationship. Even if i did, i was not a significant amount or something that cannot be measured compared to the other party contribution. Oh Lord, on this note, please assist me to refrain on talking about my those tings i've done. Good or bad. I only want You to know and not the whole world. I have no intention of being those who You described in surah Al-Maun. For i am only seeking your Rahim.

At times, i realise that there are so much differences we had. We tried but it didn't seem that we could overcome it. Maybe, i am not trying hard enough. I feel blessed as we could have been worse of had we continue. Then again, only Allah knows whats best for us. Especially at certain times where we feel we are so in different worlds as mentioned above. Maybe, there's someone else involved. Maybe its an old flame. Oh Lord Almighty, once again, please help me remove this negative aspect of me when questions are not being answered.

As i've said again and again, i'm a very weak person mentally. I hate question marks. They just give me sleepless night. Well, what to do. I have to seek my own solace. I've made a mistake and i have to pay for it.

I have not known the truth for all that are happening now. All i am doing now is assuming and suspecting. In terms of policing, i've got the leads, i pursued it and all i got was circumstancial evidence. Please oh please, i don't like this negative aspect of. Please change Wandi.

Please Oh Lord, i seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed.

I really need someone who can understand me to talk with. Other than Jannah of course, my relationship is already down the thrash and i don't want to be a factor to destroy others relationship. Its not good. It guess its also against the akhlak to talk to someone who is already attached and share problems. No offence yeah.

I guess i have go on the missing person act. I guess i will be able to go through this. Insyallah. For now i would respect privacy. Its ok to cry alone i guess. Only God knows. And no one else. And i hope she won't read this. I don't want to be seen as telling the whole world my problems. However, thats how i've been, if i feel i need to talk it out but have no other to talk to, i blog. Thats also like talking. You can read the post fews years back. There are similiarities. For now, sorry if i don't reply tags. I really appreciate those who are reading. Whether those i know or strangers.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

EmoniCcations

2010-09-30T00:19:00.004+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Sometimes, i think that i know this and that. Sometimes, i think doing this and that would please others. Sometimes others think doing this and that might hurt me. Sometimes others think doing this and that would please me.

I realise that sometimes if not most of the times we tend to misunderstand the other party. Whether its family, friends, loved ones, colleagues or whoever we meet. Thus, i tend to realise that emotions during a communication is very important. If we let our emotions affect us during a conversation, it might have good or bad consequences. In my case, its always bad consequences.

To you, i know i might have been hurt by your actions. Nonetheless, i realise that my actions may hurt you more than i am feeling now. No words can describe the feeling now. Thinking, seeing, hearing you just hurt me, gives me anger, suspicion and more jealousy. Thus, i think its better we stay apart from each other for sometime to erode the feelings since we had already given our best but things don't work out. I hope you pray for my best as much as i am praying that everything you do and get will be the best. Hate, jealousy and suspicion aside, i know you have strength and weakness. Maybe your weakness and my weakness just cannot coincide to give us the relationship that we want. Maybe, someone out there for you and me would be a better choice. It sucks to know that we have to go like this but i think this might be the best, for Allah is the best of planners, He knows what is good for our future.

I'm sorry for all the things said and done. I just hope that whatever i said, the good or the bad, you put it to thought and rationalise yourself and judge whether i am speaking the truth especially when it comes to fairness and the past 7 days. Insyallah, i will put your words to thought too. To make myself a better person.

I'm sorry that we have to be like this. I appreciate that everyone give me time alone. That includes family, close friends, friends and whoever not. I will seek solace seeking knowledge. Insyallah. Take care everyone. This blog might be quiet for sometime.

Oh Lord, please lighten the burden that my shoulders are carrying know. Keep my faith strong in facing whatever challenges You may put to me. Amin.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

The Difference

2010-09-26T16:00:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Just a random observation. Sometimes i wonder if my mum knows what she is reading. Well, whether she knows or not, she had been au fait with reading the Quran. She does it quite beautifully though. Lately, i've been hearing verses that are familiar. Just like the other day, i heard to verse of the throne and today, the verse on marriage.

I know saying this will hurt others but i guess i have to say it. I don't know if i made the right choice. Things are so different now. Its no longer like this time. People change and instead of changing for the better, they change for the worse. There's nothing i can do though. This is to please them. Asking them not to do this and that. Or asking them to do this and that, might not please them. So i just have to follow them to make them contented. They refuse to sacrifice like last time. I feel so different and sometimes i wonder whats the point of getting together. I don't know why they are so intent on talking and using the past as a weapon when they want a better future. They just refuse to use think maturely. I think i am regretting this. I have just to be patient and see how it goes. Well, i guess this is retribution for what i had done last time. Maybe, i was like this last time thats why i am getting all this now. The only thing i can do now is just be patient.

Once again, challenges by challenges. By month end, i think i will have to go public. I don't think i have enough cash to renew my insurance and road tax. Once again, another challenge. I have i just have to bear the challenges of life no matter how hard it is.

Oh Lord Almighty, please keep my faith strong to go through whatever challenge you will put me and ease the challenges that i will go through.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Izharul Haq

2010-09-18T04:50:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Izharul haq; the truth revealed. Today, i am not talking the book that reveals the truth on the bible. Rather the Izharul Haq here refers to me and the truth that had been exposed to me.

As i've said before, the truth when revealed, is painful, unpleasant and not something that many will accept. However, i've realised that the unpleasant and painful things are those that teach us invaluable lessons. Swallow the bitter medicine to heal yourself. Sometimes i wonder why is it so hard to get rid of certain bad habits after realising it.

Many a times, its not that i don't know my flaws but i just can't seem to get rid of it. I realise that i am a very insensitive person as i shoot straight at others with my comments and thats the reason that i can accept the bad things others tell me. I mean no mischief with my words. I just hope that others realised that i mean well.

However, being able to accept is not enough. More importantly, i must be able to change. Change for the better that is. Sadly, i doubt for the past 2 years i've made great change for the better. Personally, i feel that in certain areas, i am getting worse. For example, emotional management. Be it anger or excitement. I doubt i've learned anything from my past relationship. It hurts me to know that. No matter how much i change to suit others, at the end of the day, i am still not a popular character wherever i go. People just seem to dislike me or prefer me not to be around. I may just be deducing this from content analysis or this may be the truth. Whatever it is, I AM ABLE TO ACCEPT that. The problem here is that WHAT IS IT THAT PEOPLE HATE ME SO MUCH?!!!! If i know, i will change. If i don't know, i can't change.

Thats all for today i guess. One of my close colleagues went MIA after some problems maybe its time i follow suit.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Cause and Effect

2010-09-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Well, i've been busy lately and finally found a bit of time to blog. I wonder what kept me busy despite not having to go to work or school. Haha. I realised that the blogs of others are strewned with pictures, mine are only with words. Well, i guess thats me. It had been and will be part of me.

Cause and effect. That the talking point for today.

Many a times, when we do or say something, we do not think of the repercussion. The words or actions \during emotional turbulence has a lot of disastrous implication for which we don't realise or when we realise, the damage had been done. There are times when we can repair the damage but there are times when the damage is permanent and there's no repair for it.

I fall to the category of those who have poor emotion management. Be either the good emotions or the bad emotions. Thats my weakness. Its a known secret. For those who put me to the test, behold, i might blow. I want to change, change for the better but it seems that this is an uphill task. I hope i will change.

Also, when others do something, even the slightest thing. I will ask questions. I've been like that. Its actually not a good thing to ask questions. I know that and i just hope i will change that too. When these questions don't get answer, i will analyze the content/situation and deduce my own answer. On many occasion, the answer that i deduce just demoralise me and make me feel like crap. It breaks my world apart especially when it involves a loved one. Thats why i like to ask and get answer. Preferably, when the question is already in my mind, the person give me an answer. Well, no one can read my mind though.

Things are getting back to square one. I am going back to where i start a few years back. The good things are getting lesser and the rubbish are getting more. I've seen first hand, a friend of mine who changed 360 degrees after a failed relationship. Maybe, i may be in that league of guys, maybe not. May Allah, protect me from the negative aspect of life and make my time on His earth a meaningful one to everyone including Him.

At this moment, though, its back to square one. I feel like i am in year 2007. I don't know how things are going to improve. I just hope it will.

Part of me is telling myself to isolate myself from everything and everyone. Maybe, by coming back to Bishan, i've started to move backwards and not forward. In terms of everything. I guess i am coming back to the age when i was 18 and had nothing.

Oh Allah, please lift out of this challenge with success. Nonetheless, i guess its something i can handle. Just a matter of how to. No words can describe the stage i am going through. Its only Him who can help me now. I have no one else. Well, i never had anyone who understands me thoroughly. I hope i had and i hope i will.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Expectations

2010-09-06T02:35:00.002+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, The compassionate, The Merciful. Peace Be Upon You.

Well, i guess challenges are what that keep us going. There's no challenge a man cannot take. Its stated in 2:286.

"On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear...".

The verse continue but at the gist of it, it stated clearly that no matter what challenge we are getting, will get or had gotten in the past, its manageable and there's no need to do result to taking our lives away or just go astray as a result of some incident.

Nonetheless, i am also trying to remind myself of this.

Many questions are left unanswered and here we go again with the mind games. Well, there's nothing much i can do but to pray Lord and just work hard for my future. Tough times don't last i guess, touch men do. Insyallah. I blame no one but myself for the suffering as i know its my fault that is this suffering is happening. Its not the first and hopefully its the last time. I have to learn. Learn and change WANDI!

I am praying for this tough time to end soon. Insyallah.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the world.

Peace be upon you.

Shifting?

2010-09-05T02:38:00.001+08:00

I might be shifting to another blog. Well, see how. Might shift or might not shift.

Tail bone and right ring finger is hurting after that accident today afternoon.

That accident could be a blessing in disguise though. Nvm its ok.

Misconception in Islam. To strive and to struggle, Jihad

2010-08-13T18:38:00.007+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, The compassionate, The merciful. Peace be upon you.

One of the many words that has always been misused and misunderstood. They always talk about Jihad, Jihad and Jihad. War. Shedding blood and killing the innocent to spread Islam and fight the truth. They forget, that in the Quran, there are verses which Allah clearly states that what they are doing are totally wrong. Example in 5:32 and 2:256. So, Lord Almighty tells us of a way to win the hearts of the unbelievers and its stated in Surah Nahl, verse 125. My favourite verse.

"Invite (all) to the way of the Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious, for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path and who receive guidance".
An-Nahl:125

However, I am assuming they are using the verse 2:216 to fuel their ideology.

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not".

Al-Baqarah:216

Yusuf Ali said in his commentary, that nothing is more greater than to offer your life to fight for the truth. On the other hand, if you are a mere brawler, vainglorious bully or fighting for the wrong reasons, you deserve the highest censure.

Sometimes i wonder what is in their minds. The minds of the Muslim Extremist. I mean, come on, get a life. Why kill yourself to kill others or kill others to win. I personally find preaching, like how Deedat, Zakir and many more out there more interesting. Like these speakers had said, the sword of intellect is what we should use and not the sword of hercules. 100% agreed. Win their hearts and not life.

Up till today, i still do not agree with the idea of violence against the innocent and of course will disagree with the principles of extremist till time ends.. Its a principle. Taught by the Quran.

Nonetheless, of course the media reflects badly on Islam. They are over exaggerating but what is it that we can do to improve the image? We don't control the media. Thus, the first thing to do is stop this rubbish violence. And of course, this random thought came. Qouting out of context or banning someone for that is simply showing our lack of understanding of the English language.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the Worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Platonic or not

2010-08-10T00:00:00.004+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

I've been keeping this. Well, i guess i wish for something. Maybe a few things. I just need a break. A getaway. If i can afford it that is. I was also thinking that somehow, since last time, i need a girlfriend. What i mean here is a female friend, for a platonic relationship. Somehow, if i get someone who is presentable and of course she must be able to connect. I used to have a few but now they are gone. Sometimes feelings can spoil a friend. I just wish that if i find someone who is suitable to be a platonic female friend, i must take care of that friendship and just treat her like a sister. Not to let my emotions and feelings spoil that friendship. I used to have it with Cherry and Jessie. We decide to commit then things don't work out. Now, back to square one. I'm single again. Declaring it officially after 1 week. Now, just have to seek solace. As i've said in the past, i'm a master pretender. Pretending things to be ok on the surface but actually its not. haha. Its ok, i guess i just have to settle my problems alone. May Allah bless me. Insyallah.

Sometimes things we ask for we don't get. I always wanted women like this and like that. Life like this and like that. Education like this and that. Want to become this and that. But don't get it. Maybe i am not trying hard enough. I've found something in relation to that and its below at the end of this post.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not".

Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 216

Nisa(women)

2010-07-25T02:57:00.004+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off syaitan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

First and foremost, this post is about Nisa which means women and not Muhaimin girlfriend. Well, there's a chapter in the Quran, surah An-Nisa meaning chapter women. However, todays' post will be no reference to surah An-Nisa.

Before i get going, let me digress a bit. I am rather impressed by Jannah parents knowledge of the Quran. Well, you see, Jannah name itself, Nurul Jannah in arabic Nur means light and Jannah means heaven. Her brothers name, is one of the 99 names of Allah. Al-Mateen, is one of the 99 names/attributes of Allah which means The Firm. Which means to say Allah is one who is very steadfast. Of course, you can't name your child the same as the names of Allah, thus the word 'Al' is removed when naming someone thus making it Mateen which means steadfast/firm. Maybe her parents are well versed in the Quran. Alhamdullilah. This is a lesson in itself. I should then read and understand the Quran.

I'm very impressed by the Asmaul Husna. If people ask you attributes of God, tell them the Asmaul Husna. I remember a few and i'll share.

Allah - The God. The only one Almighty and the only one worthy of worship

Ar-Rahman - The All Merciful

Ar-Rahim - The All Compassionate

Al-Malik - The Absolute Ruler, King of Kings

Al-Ghani - The Rich One

Ar-Razzaq - The Sustainer

An- Nafi - The creator of good

Al-Qayyum - The Self Existing One

Al-Muhaymin - The preserver of safety

As-Salaam - The source of peace

Al-Mateen - The Firm

Al-Alim - The Knower of all

Ok thats 12 of out 99 names. I have a list but i guess i'll leave you to explore the rest. If you are looking for a site to check out the names, check this site out. www.asmaulhusna.com

Nisa. Women. Beautiful creatures created by God Almighty to accompany and care for men. You see i am attached and yeah grateful of that. However, there are a lot of things i don't like about women that my girlfriend have. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Her size, her temper, her pampered attitude, her smoking habit, her lack of attention for detail and many more. Nonetheless, i praise the Lord for giving her to me. Despite her shortcomings, she still contributed a hell a lot to this relationship and she's been supporting me. Alhamdullilah. Thank you my dear Jessie. I am not perfect and i guess i am worse than any being walking this earth thus lets keep on improving for the better and head to the straight path.

From this, i've learnt that getting a perfect women is never possible. Just as i always joke with my girlfriend about Pauline lah, Angeline lah, Hui Chen lah. Yeah they are beautiful and nice people but i am confident they have their shortcomings. The only perfect creatures in this world are the Prophets of God. Other than that everyone is normal. Not perfect. Even the comrades of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) are not perfect. If this men, the caliphs of Islam, those who have contributed so much to Islam are not perfect, what else we normal beings who are full of sins and shortcomings. I'm not saying that those people mentioned above are lousy and etc cause i never get to make them my partners but as i've said, they are great people but with shortcomings just like me.

Thus, being humans, we are created to have desires and are never perfect. Man or women. Women always seek the perfect men and men always seek the perfect women. Let me tell you. No man or women is perfect. If you are able to make them perfect, you'll turn them into a robot. Nonetheless, we should learn to improve. Before we can improve, we need to accommadate. Once we have accommadated to each other and get used to it, we improve. Slowly but surely. Insyallah. Improve for the better and not the worse. As i'm saying this, i am also reminding myself to always control my temper, accommadate, advice and improve together with Jessie.

Thats all for tonight.

Wa al Hamdu li Allah Rabbb al 'Alamin (All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the Worlds). Peace be upon you.

Control

2010-07-17T02:08:00.004+08:00

I seek refuge from the cast off syaitan the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

Being attached to CNA taught me a lot of valuable things. One of those things i've learnt is Control.

At site, if there's no control over the ACMV equipment(s), you can't provide comfort for the users and make a mockery out of your BMS system. On the roads, if you can't control your machine, you might end up 7 feet underneath. At home, work or school, if you can't control your emotions, you might make a mess out of a small issue. One word, plenty of meaning and application that we can put to good use.

Well, it seems i'm having tough luck with women. Is it fate or is it just that i am not working hard enough. She's not the first and i hope she will be the last of what i called 'string of failed relationships'. If we get back together, i hope we can really really promise ourselves to do good and be good for our own benefit. I'm not hoping though cause i realise that i'm too much of a perfectionist. This is where i need a physchiatrist. I need to learn to work on some of my short comings. Maybe its time to refer back to the book. Oh my, in this para., when i mention you, you know who you are. I've never blamed you and never shall i slander you or speak bad about you. Thats what i was taught in surah An-Noor, verse 4 and also surah Al Hujraat, verse 11. I guess its time to memorize the book and put its teaching to good use. I know i am like this. Perhaps its because of my upbringing. Then again, today Abang Noor, the Keppel FMO engineer said, don't always blame the design. Blame yourself for not being able to make full use of the design and work out possible solutions to improve the quality of the design. In my context, God Almighty had already designed my past like this, there's no way i can change it, i just have to take it in my stride, learn from it and improve my future.

Wa la Haula Wala Quwatta Illa billa hil alliyil azeem; There's no strength nor power without Allah. Don't get it wrong the kalimah wrong. Many tend to misunderstand it and many more who abuse it. The Quran, is ambigous, flawless and it doesn't preach bad things.

There are people who just refers back to the Quran and say, oh this is just faith when they fail or when they are going through a hard time. When they are enjoying, the forget the Quran. These are the people who gives the Quran a bad name. Making people think that the Quran preach bad things, making a mockery out of the Muslim ummah and Islam. Like Deedat said, as much as there are bad people of other religions, there are also bad Muslims. As much as i'm typing this out for the benefit of anyone who reads this post intently, i'm also reminding myself to be a person who is grateful to God for His blessing and rewards. Well, till the day we die, we'll never know what was destined or not. As it stated in Surah Al-Fatiha, verse 3, Thee do we serve and thee we beseech for help. Work hard, pray hard and Insyallah, by the grace of God, everything we ask for would be granted.

If you think that the Islam preach radical teachings, terrorism and rubbish, think again. Don't point your fingers to the Ummah, point to the book. If you think the Quran is preaching bad things, point a finger at it and say that it is preaching the wrong thing. Rest assured, you'll never be able to do that. Unless, you misunderstand the teachings of the holy Quran like some of the Muslim men tend to. For example when it comes to marriage, a handful of them will claim to be able to marry up to 4 wives. They are not wrong but remember, Surah An-Nisa, verse 3, ...Marry women of your choice by 2, 3 or 4 but if you fear that you can't do justice between the four of them; marry only ONE. When it comes to marriage, marrying older women, divorce and etc, they refer back to the Quran and teachings of Muhammad(pbuh). When it comes to prayers, donations, taking care of women and etc, the use their own principles. They never refer back to the book. The book where all the solutions had been laid out, many of us can read it but not many can understand it. Any problem. You say it, there's a solution for it in the Quran. I assure you. Long before Nostradamus predicted things, Allah had already sent down a book where everything is told.

I really don't know where i am heading now. I just have to control my emotions, work hard and pray hard. Oh lord, keep me on the straight way, the way of those you have bestowed favours upon and not of those whom your wrath will be brought upon or those who go astray. Insyallah.

Oh ya, what do you think of Wandi being a taxi driver? I'm considering that for my future. I see a lot of benefit for it despite the contrary.

Henceforth, i'll try to write something from the book, which i have been reading the translation. I hope i'm sharing something knowledgeable for everyone.

For this post, i think this verse interest me the most.

Al-Quran, 2:3, "Those who believe in the unseen, keep up to their prayer and spend what we have given to them". I find this verse very very meaningful.

**I proclaim NOT to be an Ulama, Sheikh or Ustaz. Qoutations and translations of the Quran are from my off hand knowledge, IPhone app and the book titled "The Meaning of the Holy Quran" by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. Any misqoutations or translations, please appraise me in my tagboard. I'm just trying to put every verse to good use. Many of us think that His teachings are obselete and does not apply to the modern world. You are wrong. Nonetheless, to each his or her own. There's no compulsion in religion and you shall have your religion, i shall have mine.

May Allah, Al-Alim, have mercy on my soul for the lack of knowledge.

Pyschiatrist

2010-06-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

Pyschiatrist. I need one. I need a imam, a iqra reading teacher and many more teacher.

The waiting game

2010-06-14T19:29:00.005+08:00

I hate this bloody waiting game you are making me play. I never like waiting and since day one you have made me wait. It that satisfies you, then i am fine with i guess. You gave me so much hope and then at the last minute crushed every single hope by saying something else. I know you have your problems but if you can't do it, don't promise. If you promise, just do it regardless of whatever restrictions you are going through. I feel so cheated. Nvm i guess. Its ok. I'll just have to learn to be patient and carry on my life. I feel so sucky now. I can't even concentrate on my prayers, my sleep, my psp, my work, my riding. Ya Allah, please help me. Release me from this torture.

Only God knows what i am going through now. People who treat me how you treat me are torturing me mentally and slowly testing my patience. I was ok just now. Though i had thoughts of splitting, i was telling myself that i would leave it to faith and i would not make life hard for you but i guess i have changed my mind. And you still dare to claim the creed of saying i love you. I really don't and cannot understand your definition of love. Maybe you can't understand my definition of love too. Well, maybe i'm not meant to be loved and not meant to love. La Haula Walla Quwatta Illa.

I can't take this anymore just as much as you can't take me anymore. I don't blame you. I know that this all began with me. I accept that. Its ok. I will live with it. I guess we have to go our own ways now. I forgive you for what you have done. I hope you forgive me for what i have done also but if you don't its ok. I have to seek forgiveness from Allah, the merciful and compassionate. Whatever it is, i hope we just choose our own path and lead our own lives. I think there's something wrong with me and yeah, for the benefit of ourselves.

This can't go on. It has to stop. Its non-stop quarreling and it just seem that maybe i can never be in a relationship. I guess i will never be a good boyfriend. I have to learn. I am dying to see a pyschiatrist and many more things i want to do. Financially restricted though.

Verses and verses

2010-06-12T05:13:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah to God for keeping me alive despite going crazy on the roads just now at 170 kilos. Thank you also for me giving me challenges but challenges i can manage and not a third party in my relationship. Thank you. Thank you also for making Jessie clear her TP once with 10 points. Thank you my Lord Almighty. No words can describe my appreciation towards You.

Also, thank you the Lord for giving me the desire to learn and ability to memorize. I want to learn more things, memorize more things. Fast. Oh Lord, please keep me away from those who go astray. Keep me on the right path. The path of those who you have bestowed favours and not of those who you will bring wrath upon nor of those go astray.

And lately, i've been in love with videos of the late Sheikh Ahmad Deedat. Videos after videos i've been watching. I'm just addicted. Oh God, please grant this great man Jannah. I want to be like that. Not to debate or compare religions but to apply to verses of Quran in my life. Well, personally, i feel that the verse "You shall have your religion and i shall have mine" applies to me now. I'm not ready to debate though i'm ready to defend the teachings.

I just feel so sad about my relationship as i am always not able to come to a compro
mise with her. Nonetheless, i am grateful God did not challenge me by putting a third party. Thank you so much oh Lord Almighty. Please Lord Almighty, help me. Guide me to right path for everything i do.

Good night for now. The beautiful call to prayer has sounded. Its time. Hai'ya ala solah.

Today oh Today

2010-05-20T00:28:00.001+08:00

Alhamdullilah, today one question which was long due to be answered is answered. Thank you.

During attachment, fun oh fun. Climbing AHU and ducting like spider man. Feels so accomplished today after being able to complete a task single handedly. Alhamdullilah.

Thats all for now.

Money, money and more money.

2010-05-15T07:42:00.003+08:00

In a few more hours, i'll be reporting to work at Domino's.

It seems to me that Domino's have a high expectation of their staff and set high standards in everything. Very concerned about money and nothing but money. I understand they are doing a business but profits are not everything in a business. Well, lets see how this place goes. I should not start with the wrong foot.

I'm not really sure if i'm ready for this. I left Pizza Hut almost a year ago. The fast paced Wandi had turned into a slow and steady one at Arnolds. No longer chasing for dockets and all. Looks like either i will tune up my standard and pace or i will just find another job. The most important thing is that i must be able to do what i want. The things i want to do, Allah hualam, only God will know. I need not tell anyone.

There's a reason for that. Call me lazy if you want to but i've set my sights on other things. Money is not all. I am also targeting happiness, prosperity and happiness. As much as i am preparing for success on earth, i am also preparing success for eternity.

Society today has turned fake and pretentious due to money. Look around you and you'll see that money rules. The rich are given special treatment because of their wealth and the poor are being treated like beggars or outcast in the society. The days of helping the poor and all are no longer here. Even if there are people helping the poor, most but not all the times there is an intention behind it. Like whats stated in surah Al-Maun, "Those who do good to be seen", Masyallah, before society predicted this, its already stated in the Quran. Just one example, i am fan of MJ but the fact is the whole world knows about his good deeds of helping Africa and kids with cancer. Is telling the whole important or helping others important. I'm sure there are ways to help others and not bragging about it and keeping it low. Allah hualam, only Gods knows his nawaitu. May he be blessed in the after world for his deeds Insyallah.

The days of people helping others out of sincerity and generosity are over. When a being donates or do other good deeds the whole world will know or his circle of friends will know. They never want to keep it anonymous. Contrary to what i've said, im sure there are kind souls out there who donate and do good yet keep it low.

I think its time we shift the focus on something but money. Learn lessons from what we see, hear and feel.

**Life is getting tough but i think i will stand to this saying "La Haula Quwatta Illa Bill Ahil Azeem

Honesty to the single bit

2010-05-10T23:32:00.002+08:00

And yeah, i feel so guilty today. I feel so guilty that i've lied. I can't believe that i've been preaching to Jessie about honesty and never lie down to the simplest thing but today, i went against my morals, my values and my principles. I lied.

Today, i told Dorina that i was not able to work as i had no proper bike to work with. The truth is that i just don't like the idea of being dependant on Shahril, i don't think my body will be able to tolerate this long hours of attachment in the morning and part-time at night and finally, i so called found a new job to try out with. I wasn't really lying to her 100% but then i just feel guilty. Its a rather fun environment to work at. On top of that, i get to learn new roads.

I agree that this a small thing and some may call it 'bohong sunnat' or whatever that is. Then again, my principle in life is never lie. Just be honest. Lying don't get you anywhere and one day karma will get you back. I always believe, whether you steal a bread or you steal $10k, you are still a thief. Same principles applies for lying.

I don't know but i just feel guilty.

Reflection of the day:

**Wandi is not so careful after all. Today, along Thomson road i was zig-zagging like nobody business. I saw all the cars, all the bikes and all the hazards. All of a sudden, a Traffic officer was beside me. Oh gosh, luckily, i just got off with a warning without even being stopped. Time to be more alert. I am not that alert after all. Time to improve. One second of carelessness may lead to disaster and this could jolly well be a lesson. Always open your eyes when on the roads.

I am back

2010-05-08T00:49:00.005+08:00

First and foremost, yang pertama dan utama, thank you very nice, thanks a million to Jannah for revamping this blog and inserting my favourite songs.

Wandi is never out of words and actually, there are a lot of things that i intend to blog about. Its just a matter of time and at times a matter of choice. There are topics which i really wish to talk about then again, i am afraid of getting the wrong impression. Not in anyone eyes but then yeah only i know in whose eyes i don't want to have the impression.

Life has been and i guess will always be tough until poly finish. Its okay. I guess i was given this challenge as i'm able to handle it.

And to you who is getting 2.2k/mth, congratulations. Just don't be too boastful about it. We might not be together but i hope the values of life i have imparted to you will always be with you as i am trying hard to make full use of the values you have imparted to me.

Love for beings always end up in tears for me. Conflicts, misunderstandings and a lot of barrier. I guess for now its time to stop the love for beings. Want to focus on the love for something else.

Done

2010-04-01T04:17:00.001+08:00

I have done whatever i could. Its either i make or i will be kicked.

Good luck

2010-02-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

Good luck for your exams. Take care

Never wanted this

2010-02-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

Though we might not be together, i hope you can pick up yourself and move on. I hope that instead of ruining your future, you make me jealous, you make me regret that i've decided not to pursue this relationship by being a successful person one day.

I have my reasons for the discontinuation. I might regret. I might consider getting back together but i can keep no promise. I don't want to give you empty hopes. Please take care of yourself. If there's anything you need help on, please do sms me. Take care.

His wishes

2010-01-06T21:34:00.005+08:00

As I was saying on FB, I am not feeling tired at all. I am rather suprised too.

1.5 hours of sleep, 7 hours of school and now 4 hours of work. Waiting for time to knock off. I feel as if I can work another ten hours. Maybe I should consider my JB trip Tonight.

And when I think about death, only one thing come to my mind. The funeral prayers shall be held at Masjid Khalid.

This blog will be platform where I will note down my wishes. When Wandi is not around, those who have read his wishes please convey
them to the appropriate party.

Good night Everyone. Wandi just reached his block carpark. .

Feeling awake and energetic thanks to MJ's Beat It which I have been replaying over and over again and if course 3 cans if Red Bull. But then I had a few near misses just now which set me to blog. Well, I am feeling very energetic but I still have near misses. Am I losing my focus or just losing my touch?

Should i or should i not?

2009-12-19T03:33:00.004+08:00

Well, 14 hours of carpark/junction manning was hell. No more!!!

I rather sit on a 2-wheeler and fly to send orders for 24 hours. The 10 hour shifts continues. Oh God, give me strength to carry with this till i'm 25 at least.

And today i saw loads and loads of stuck up super rich Stinkaporeans. Well well in a country where money does the talking, i ain't got nothing to say. Money justice.

This out me to this question, Should i be your finance manager my dear? I don't want to control you and you know that very well.

And MJ new addition to my playlist, The Way You Make Me Feel... And dear sometimes you make me feel mad for buying and behaving like rubbish. And don't be angry no more. I've spoken to you about this before.

End of the Road

2009-12-08T19:21:00.002+08:00

When too many things that push me right to the wall and such things have to happen all at one time, i give me no more desire to continue. I just feel like throwing everything and giving up. Its always like that. 22 years i live, 22 years it must happen.

Now i got this permanent headache everytime i wake up and it will last for hours. I dunno whats wrong.

For now, lets just move on la. I can't be bothered anymore. I'll take it day by day. Its always like that. I must go through all this. It has always to be me to go through all this rubbish.

BMS?

2009-12-08T10:40:00.002+08:00

One more hour so before BMS.

To many things running in my mind now. Just want to get rid of all these troubles. One by one. Time moves so fast. One moment i plan to do this, next moment, exams, school, datelines and etc. Or is it because i am moving too slowly.

Sometimes i wonder why study and learn how to manage a building (BMS) when i can't even control myself, my words, my actions. I'm going a place far far away during the break i guess. I need peace. Since no one can offer me peace, i will seek peace myself.

Sometimes it sad to know that words can hurt more than actions but actions is louder than words.

Some things are just unjust. To me sometimes its rubbish but then to each his or her own. I need to control myself i guess and make fairness in my life exist.

Outta Control

2009-12-08T02:05:00.002+08:00

Things end up horribly when Wandi gets out of control. Be it on the roads, at home, at work, at school or with her.

Sigh. I need some soul searching time.

Life oh Life

2009-11-21T02:56:00.002+08:00

Well, first and foremost i am sorry. I know what i've said hurt you but even if we are not together it does not give you the right to ruin your life and live life in misery. Now, i just want to be alone. I need someone to talk to. My band of the brothers can truly understand me. We just know when to listen and when to advice. But i can't totally depend on them as they have their own commitments. Thats the reason why i prefer to be alone if not around them. NO ONE will understand when i come from and what i am going through.

Sometimes people just pretend to be your friend. They can joke and make fun of you but when its your turn, they get offended. Life oh life. Such people are not worth the friendship. Lately, trouble with her, now trouble in school and trouble at work.

The clouds are getting more and more grey by the day. Well, i just accept it in my stride. Like what mommy says, the closer you get to Him the more he will challenge you and test if your faith is strong.

Well, life oh life, accept it, learn from it, move on and be a stronger person.

Life never suck. I made my life suck. Now, its time for me to get out of this sucky life. I must survive. I owe to many people too many things. I need to repay them.

Pretenders stay away. Today i might be in this state. Its ok. I will, will try hard to improve this life. Sad to say, life is full of pretenders. Time is shorter. Challenges are getting harder.

Understand me to love me. I mean no harm to anyone. I am the way i am because of lousy upbringing. But everyday i ask myself, where can i improve. How do i be a better man.

And the challenges continue. Death is not so easy thus i've forgotten about it altogether. Perseverance, endurance and patience continue for now. With His will, success shall be there.

Why must you do this?

2009-11-20T02:06:00.005+08:00

You must make me hate you. When i can't control myself and react negatively towards your doings, i get blamed.

Just because i want us to go our own ways you must do things to hurt me. To make me feel like crap. You are not the only one with the com down. My net is also down.

One ex-girlfriend who ruined her life because of me already make me feel like crap. Now its your turn. You must get yourself fired and blame others.

Nvm, you want to do this to me. Its ok. I promise you, you shall not hear from me anymore. Its a promise.

You bloody bitch must play this fucking mind game with me. Just like my bloody bastard father. You all are a bunch of motherfuckers. Get lost from my life you idiot motherfuckers. FUCK OFF.

No one will understand the hurt i am feeling now. Its ok. I've got my baby waiting for me at the carpark. You want to do this. Nvm, just don't regret your actions. Don't ever play mind games with me. Intentionally or not. I admit, I WILL LOSE but I SWEAR, I WILL HATE YOU TILL I DIE.

The lie

2009-11-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

And i've successfully lied. I'm sorry if that line hurt you or what. Just that i want to be alone i guess. I'm sorry for lying to you. I just hope that in my next relationship, the girl won't treat me like that.

I'm no longer interested in relationships i guess. I never change i guess. The temperantal Wandi is still around. It hurts to let go of you cause just like me i know you need guidance. I never had any other girlfriend or cheated or you. That i know.

For now, the vow of silence shall begin. Lets enjoy the quietness of the earth.

The leopard that never loses his spots

2009-11-16T23:00:00.002+08:00

Well, i guess i never change. One percent of my anger has not reduced. Omg, life oh life. Well, maybe i've been putting a lot of effort in other aspect of life but not controlling my anger. How i do control my anger?

And it saddens me that one more of my family members, my niece is going through the same rubbish as i went through. Now my niece got problems. Once again, the Almighty who gives us problems is giving me another problem. Rest assured, for every problem He gives, He also gives a solution. I shall seek that solution that you have hidden and make sure what i go through my niece don't go through. Its sad. Its good to have kids around. But for them to go through such torture is a sad sight :(

Try Wandi try.

Tricky Road

2009-11-14T02:23:00.003+08:00

Life seems to be very tricky...

One problem solved another one pop up. I wonder if its possible to eliminate all problems at once.

School, money, Jessie, personal time. So many things to juggle.

I'm sorry for texting you rather rudely. Very stressed. I've been mistreating my bike lately. It needs a lot servicing :)

And i just realised i'm starting a very bad routine of more than one packets of cigarettes a day. Today, its already 31 sticks.

I wanna sCreAM

2009-11-12T00:58:00.003+08:00

I am sorry ok for all those text. I just feel very pressured now. The cash is running dry, the projects are mounting and my sleeping hours are getting lesser as usual.

I just need sometime to get back on track. I am sorry. After i paid you, you took your passport i was left in a disarray. I am lost. I need sometime to get back to normal. Give me sometime to talk to you and all in the future.

But please, get on, spend time with your friends and all. Don't wait for me. I might not come back. If you meet someone else, give that man a chance to prove himself. Just beware of jerks out there. I am sorry. You take care. I hope you read this before going to work. Good night.

Pardon me

2009-11-11T01:14:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for being harsh to you on the phone. Momentarily, i lost my temper. I hope you understand where i am coming from, the situation and my decision. I am really sorry. Please don't dissapoint me by doing rubbish. Compose yourself and enjoy life. There are a lot of things the world has to offer. I am sorry. Once you are emotionally stable we can meet up and talk again. I am sorry. I'm really really sorry.

Untitled

2009-11-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

Well, i guess you are angry thats why you rake up things between me and Cherry. I guess you didn't really know what really happened. We are not like what you think we are. Nonetheless, i take it that you are upset thats why you typed those words in your messages. I have no hard feelings for you.

I'm a very bad dilemma.

I feel sad that i have to leave you alone. I really hope that someone will talk to you and comfort you, be there when you need someone to fall back on as i'm no longer there. I guessed i by replying your smses i only make you feel worse thats why i am keeping silent. Once you have gotten over everything, i don't mind us getting back on talking terms, going out and enjoying each other company. Its ok if you assumed i'm no longer walking this earth. If that will help you to move on, its ok. I'm not important. Your future and life is. And henceforth, i no longer can sing MJ I'll Be There. I don't even want to hear that song. Cause i've broken my promise and it hurts to hear that song when i cannot accomplish what they lyrics taught me.

I want to be there for you to comfort you and all but there's something closing the doors of my heart. I am no longer interested in relationship. Not only that, i am no longer interested in being around people after work or school. I just want to be alone. I've rejected my friends for days when they call me out. I just want to keep the steam in my head, reflect, quietness and seek peace in God by being alone. I hope once i've recovered things can go back to normal.

I know you are going through a tough stage. I hope you'll keep your faith strong and lead your life normally. I may no longer be yours, but i will always be there to assist you in whatever you need help in provided its within my means. I hope you don't drown yourself in sorrow and move on. I know its hard. Been in that situation. I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I'm sorry. I've failed you.

Let me be honest and say that i still care, concerned and love you. Contrary to that, something in me is just stopping me for getting back together. I no longer see women how i used to. Yes, i admire their looks and everything but to commit i don't think so i will. In time to come, i know i'll regret this decision as i will need a companion but i guess i still have to go with my decision. I dunno. Something is not right with me. I dunno if its a pyschological effect or what. I just feel very very different. I guess everyone just leave me alone. It will be for my own good.

At this point of time, i know that i can abuse you physically, financially and emotionally. I know you would give in to my words thats why i don't want to get back to you or stay over at your place tonight. I know other guys out there will take this oppurtunity and abuse it but not Wandi. I've destroyed one girl life and i don't want to destroy another. I'm sorry. I respect your a pride and dignity and i don't want to ruin them cause it will have bad impact on your future. I may be cruel, violent and whatever negative adjectives you can think of but i will never disrespect and abuse you. Its ok if others want to do all these cruel things on me. I swear i believe in karma so its ok. Let them do what they want.

I'm sorry for all these suffering. I'm really sorry. I'm losing words now. You please take care of yourself and don't resort to rubbish. I'm sorry. I beg you please don't dissappoint me. I'm sorry for failing you and breaking my promise. I shall not blame you for being evil to me and the failure of this relationship is not your fault ok. Its just some pyschological effect of me. I'm sorry.

Who am i to be blind? Pretending not to see our need

2009-11-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

It saddens me to know that someone i left is going through a much bigger problem.

As much as i've tried to hold it back, it just fell. Just like that without me being able to control the flow. A man who claims he will never cry is not strong. He's either lying to you or just being too egoistic. Its rubbish to say no human being has a soft spot. Well, those who know me know where is my weakness. Children, tears and God knows them. Seeing children get mistreated just makes me feel very sad. I'm reminded of me when i was young. Deprived of care, concern, love and affection. Thats the reason for the broken family bond.

As i've said, if i don't love you, we wouldn't have gone this far. I really love, care and want to be with you. However, seeing at our state, i think its advisable we go our own ways. Lets face this fact, we have been leading a rocky relationship for the past 9 months. I said this before and i'll say it again, i don't want my kids to lead a life like mine. Seeing children who are deprived of love just saddens me and give me a sense of hatred towards the adult that mistreat them. I don't want them to lead a life without a mother or father by their side. I don't want them to take a family picture with either one or us not around. I don't want them to go home everyday only seeing one of us. I don't want to tell them that they are deprived of love like how my mum breaks down whenever she speaks about me.

If death do us part, i'll accept it. Its God will and i can't control it but most of the time, separation is not by death. Separation is by divorce. I've seen it, heard about it and gone through it. I know the feeling and psychological effect that it will have on a child. I was one of them. Its not good. Open up your vision and look around. Those juvenile delinquents come from a home like mine. I am thanking God for making me realise early.

We need love, both of us as we've been deprived of it. Me at the age of 6 and you in your secondary school. At the same time, we both need to learn to listen, talk properly and control our emotions. I don't know if giving ourselves another chance will help. I really miss you. At the same time, i am really concerned for your future and my kids future if i have them. I couldn't care less about my happiness. All i want is good health so that i can study and work to raise a happy family not broken family. I know you are a smart girl. You can do it.

About your health, you need not worry about it. My eyes feel very heavy whenever i think about this or read your sms. In my prayers, i always pray that He take me first if He have to and give that lease of life to you. I hope he answer my prayers. I really lose you as my girlfriend as its my choice. If it really happens, I hope he give me the choice to rent my life to you. I just want you to be successful and happy. Its for your own good. Not mine. I'll be happy in the after world to see a successful Jessie.

The next phase

2009-11-09T02:13:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why you blogs are always filled with post that reflects badly on our relationship. I see my friends blogs talking about outings, how to enjoy time and etc but ours are only quarrels. Well, it won't happen again. No more quarrels for us. And yeah, don't say i paid for your bills. I was just merely returning you back what is yours. That money belongs to you and i've returned it to you.

I've never received so much emails from you and seen so much activity in your fb. Well, i guess you are moving on. Its good to know that. I hope you are doing fine. And i hope one day we can get back to talk, meet up and etc. For now, i just want to be alone. Don't ask me if i'm having problems and all. Even if i have, my ego will tell the world that i am doing fine.

You take care of yourself. Just remember what i asked from you. For you to be successful. Take care. Just leave me alone. I just want to be alone. I still have feelings of concern and care for you. But i guess its a better decision for us to move on to the next phase of life since we can never solve this personality issue. We come from the same background i guess thats why there is so much trouble. You just take care.

Two Chapter Ended at one go

2009-11-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

This father and son saga started and ended in tears. Sr. broke down during the mediation and Jr. broke down too.

The roads tell a thousand stories. Central Expressway towards Braddell Road, 95 km/h. The tears just flowed like a tap with no stop. The Oakley shades are hiding the tears just like how my cheerful personality always the troubles in my life. Everything seemed normal on the surface.

At this speed, i felt like everything is so slow. Like everything was moving in slow motion. Overtaking was so tough and Bishan seemed so far away. Back to the courtroom, the atmosphere was tense. There was no emotions running but things were different when everything was done. I just went home and sleep hoping to sleep the sadness away but then, 22 years of hurt is never easy to forget. What i am today, how i behave now and treat people is a creation of my parents. The upbringing was so poor that now, i am in this state. But then its ok, i thank Him for making me realise my mistake early. Now, i am trying to mend my ways but there are some things that are just so hard to control.

At work, I was in no form to work. Everytime i hit the roads to send order, my eyes will get heavy. I can't let my emotions get over me thus i hold back my tears and until today, whenever i think about what had happened, my eyes get heavy. Just like how it showered on Friday, it feels like i am having showers of tears. When i tried to get people to talk to, everyone seemed occupied. Well, i don't blame them as i know, everyone have their own commitments. Thus, i've a choice. I shall seek solace by being alone and i'll try to keep my faith strong.

I felt so sad that this have to happen. I'm not sad because i only managed to get $200/mth. I felt so sad that i have to bring my own flesh and blood to court just to get money. Like i've said before, its no fun to face your own dad in court. You never showed you cared but when the dust settles, you still came to have a chat with me. Are you trying to infer that you still care? I felt so sad that you are playing this psychological game with me. Why do you have to forsake my happiness for your own? Are you being a responsible father?

At home, my mum will break down everytime she says "You are different, you are deprived of love". The last time she did that was in front of Jessie and Tasha. The emotional hurt you and mum had done to me is beyond repair. Nonetheless, she is trying to make an effort to redeem herself but how about you? Well, maybe you are happy with the judgement and maybe you think you have done your part by giving me a place in poly, my license, laptop and the $700 downpayment for CBR. I am not there to fight for money. I am here in court to make you realise your responsibilities as a father. Well of course its good to have spare cash coming. I am there to make you realise what you have and have not done. Whether you have or not realise, its ok. I did not regret, not a single bit for what i have done but i feel hurt that this have to happen. Nonetheless, my prayers are still with you even if i don't attend your funeral.

All these troubles lead to another trouble. Sometimes i wonder if its my upbringing that makes me into such a person or just me, myself and i. As much as i try to control my temper, there are times when i just can't hold it back. I know my words and actions have hurt you a lot. I am sorry. I am not asking for us to get back together or anything. I am not asking for sympathy. All i am asking for is you to take care of yourself and please work hard, study hard. Don't ruin your life.

This is going to be the toughest stage i guess. I feel like no challenge have been this great. I am no complaining though. For every problem He give, He also provide a solution. In time, i will get that solution. Maybe this is His way of showing us that we are not fated. Maybe He is preventing us to be another part of the divorce statistic. I know you are fired up and hate me now for what i've done and said. Its ok. As i've said, i don't blame you. I am just sorry. Please take care of yourself.

It seems like from young i can never get people to treat me nicely. Or is it that i am just too fussy. Whatever it is, i am going through the toughest of all challenge i've face in my life which affects my inner self. I will just take myself to a quiet place and be alone. I'll just return to my old ways of work and school. Life has just entered another old stage. For now, just to keep to myself. I just want to be alone.

2009-11-07T02:59:00.001+08:00

I know i was wrong to lose my temper.

Well, i guess just leave me alone. I've said enough.

2009-11-07T02:22:00.002+08:00

And yeah, you can keep the gold chain. Sell it if you wish.

I'll drop your passport and whatever you want at your door.

And i'll also return the money that you lent me.

You are alone

2009-11-07T02:13:00.002+08:00

I wanted to talk to someone but everyone is busy.

I wanted to blog but i got BMS which is super overdue, MCT i've yet to kickstart anything and i am working at 1130 hrs tomorrow.

You are alone Wandi. The day have proven something, you are own your own. No one will be with you. I guess the only thing that is accompanying me now is faith and God. Oh well, life have to go on. The struggle continue.

Please don't bother to sms, call, come to my place, message me on facebook, msn, friendster or whatever. Just erase me out of your life. Just leave me alone. I never blamed you for not answering during lunch time when i needed to talk. Lead your life. You've been suffering since the first day you are with me. Today, i'll let you free. I'll open the door to your freedom. Go out and fly like a bird, see the world, enjoy your life. Please, i am begging you, leave me alone. And i'll leave everyone else alone.

The struggle continues again... Don't bother talking or whatever to me if you have nothing good to say or words that aggravate my physchologically unsound mind. Go away everyone. I just want to work and study.

Reliving the days

2009-11-02T22:55:00.004+08:00

And yeah, BEAT IT BEAT IT!!! This Is It was good for me not for others. To love that movie, you need to love Michael. Really enjoyed the movie with my dear. Then, it was some hiccups the day after. Luckily, managed to extinguish the problem. Well, like MJ said "Love lives forever". Hopefully, our does. Stop the quarrels and being a whole new life. To make this relationship a better one, we both have to look at ourselves and make that change :)

So yeah, was in school. And yeah, bringing back the days of 1.1. Pics, craziness and yeah, the boys found a new trick. Caught on cam and sound recorder scenes. Sigh. I'm always caught offguard. Pics below.

Time is short. I thought i had a lot of time but then 3 hours just passed. Luckily i managed to get some work done.

And i bothered to dress cause we were going public.

She's always acting cute :)

We were like irritating everyone else with the flash...

Boys at work

Boys fooling around as always

Take five minutes break

The usual haunt for the chimneys... lol

And yeah, 2 videos where i was caught offguard

Good night everyone. Good night. Life is short, make friends not foes.

Love Lives Forever - King of Pop

Relentless Pursuit to Perfection

2009-10-31T01:56:00.002+08:00

I was doing my Org Comm project the other day and Jessie said "My boyfriend such a perfectionist". The best part is that only today i realised that i've made a typo error despite reading my scripts umpteen times. Moral of the story, you can never be perfect but then you can try your best to pursue perfection. Added to insult, Amanda so called proof read it. Sigh. I don't want to say anything but i guess you'll can conclude yourself from this paragraph the message i am trying to put across. Nonetheless, she still printed out for everyone a copy of my work for reference. She's putting in effort. She's proving the critics wrong. I pray that she will keep up this effort and Insyallah together we can succeed in this subject.

And yeah, after being given a chance to catch up with some girls in my course during lectures and etc, i realise that its sad to say that people are having a wonderful life. I am not saying my life suck or anything but i still think there's more to improve. I thank Him for blessing me all this while. And most importantly, He kept me safe while i was/am/will be reckless racing through the streets to earn more dockets. Thank you.

For some, its just dollars and cents. Personally, i think money is not enough. The title 'Relentless Pursuit to Perfection'(qouted from Lexus motto) not only gives me the drive to be a rich man one day but it also gives me the motivation to be a good boyfriend, friend, son, worker, student, colleague and whatever you can think of.

Wandi, being a perfectionist is always finding ways to improve myself. But sometimes, to make others happy, i forsake my own happiness and act to be who i am not. But when i be who i am, i make enemies :(

Its not only about money, its about ethics, morals, integrity, honesty, discipline and etc. To others, maybe its all money. To me, its more than that. To save money, i begin by saving the earth. Bit by bit. Lets not be ignorant to our surroundings. Everyone comes from different background and its only right for us to understand them before judging them. To those who have judged me negatively, thank you, cause that show that i've not lost my identity. To those who have judged me positively, thank you more. Cause you have understood Wandi Juma'at life and i pray that our friendship blossom further.

Good night everyone. Good night my dear Jessie sleepyhead. Lets enjoy MJ This Is It come 2150 hrs tonight :)

The Inconvenient Truth

2009-10-29T03:29:00.002+08:00

To please others i pretend to be who i am not. I feel unhappy but when i don't i make them unhappy or just make people avoid me. Many a times people misunderstand my kind intentions. Even Jessie misunderstood it at times. How to??? Maybe just stop the pretence and bring myself down to that frequency that they are in. Maybe its time to get off the bike and into the bus.

And yeah, this is general. Not targeting my girlfriend.

Its been sometime since the PIE --> BKE route from JB. Today got it. This 'long' distance riding is fun. Travelling at 95-100 kilos on open roads makes you feel so slow. Its like you are only travelling 70 kilos. The best part is that i feel so relaxed. No rush, no weaving in and out just straight roads and enjoying the corner at Lornie and stuffs :) Kinda tired of short distance and reckless riding. If its not work, its late for school or sending dear to work. Should consider 4 wheels now, since these 2 wheels of mine had and will continue to move my soul.

Kinda glad that i so called managed to control my anger about the money thingy :) Almost blew up. Sorry for those harsh words my dear. Please allow me to take one step at a time. And i hope you do the same too. I would be so happy to see you being a successful women and proving critics wrong.

Good night. Love my dear. Love my friends. Love everyone. Take care.

Come Saturday, the day i've been waiting for. MJ 'This Is It'. Join me. Its only 2 weeks. And its not often you see me in the cinema.

کون فايا کون

2009-10-22T03:27:00.004+08:00

Sometimes its hard to accept the fact. Its hard to accept truth.

Maybe, whatever i did was never enough. Maybe whatever i did offended you and made you doubt my love and broke the trust you had in me. I don't blame you. I understand. I know my weaknesses. I am human after all. I tried to control them but there are times when i snap. And whenever i snap, the throttle of my bike will snap too. Don't get me wrong, i don't intend to take this beautiful life god has given me. Its just that i feel so frustrated at times. Just like you, i got no one to talk to. And just like you, i know, i can't afford to fall. No one will pick me. No one will shoulder my fall. My life, its either do or die. I'm sorry for failing to carry out my duties as a boyfriend.

I am sorry for removing your name from my bike and the ring from my fingers. Though, all these 'materials' are removed, your name will never be erased from my heart. You maybe gone, but never forgotten. Those who touched my life, shall not be forgotten. I guess we are different. You need to see objects and etc. I just believe in faith. I believe in you. I guess things are beyond repair now. I never wished for all these to happen. Maybe, this is the retribution God is giving me for blabbering nonsense in times of anger.

Whatever happens. I just want you take care. I just want you to succeed. You have proven to me that you are a smart girl even without my help. Your results have shown. They speak louder than anything else. Once you have regained composure, i hope you take a deep and breath and continue your journey towards success. You take care. I am sorry for all the wrongdoings and harsh words. No matter what happens, i will always remember you in my prayers.

For now, what is going to happen, i will let it be. For He will bring success to whoever that work hard. I hope you fall into that category of whom He will bring success to. Take care. Good night. Have a good rest.

Lost in Time

2009-10-20T00:17:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to have Intro to OTCM at 1800 hrs. But i was like kinda lost. Lost in time. Went to do my admin stuffs, used the com at the library. Then at about 1845 proceeded to LT8 (IT) school. Then i saw a notice. Lectures cancelled till the next 2 weeks. Thanks man. Tutorials begin on 26 Oct. Thanks man for making me apply LOA.

Well, i guess something is affecting me badly here.

I don't know why you have to do this. We could sit down and talk nicely to sort things out. Even if we couldn't we don't have to end being enemies. Sigh you take care. I need not express my feelings publicly but like i said, He listens, He sees whats going on. He knows what i'm feeling now. You take care. May He always be with you.

Another failure...

2009-10-19T03:20:00.002+08:00

And i thought i have changed, but i never did.

Well, i guess two loggerheads cannot be with each other.

I know you did a lot of sacrifice and i never appreciated it. And i know, the final straw had been undone. I guess you had enough.

I don't want to say to much. I'll take the blame. Its ok to tell the world of my cruelty and wrongdoings. I accept it whole heartedly. I'm not being sarcastic. You might think i'm being an asshole but i'm. Take care.

The very least i'm happy to know you are angry with me not suicidal. Take of yourself when i'm not around.

Lies, deception and manipulation part 2

2009-10-19T00:16:00.003+08:00

I didn't know that it will end up like this...

Now, my grandma is like giving me more money monthly to try and convince me to stop fighting for maintanence. Well, even if she gives $10k, i won't stop. Its not about the money. Its personal.

Well, he successfully convinced her that he's innocent and i'm a bad boy. Now, it seems that in everyone eyes including those of my girlfriend, i am an asshole. Ok la, fine. Go ahead la people. Its ok. I'm used to having no friends.

School begins in about 6 hours or so. Let me lead a lonely life. To focus more on school and work.

The responsibilites are now heavier. More people are putting high hopes on me. Sigh. I can't fall now. No one will shoulder my fall. I hope i'll make it. Its gonna be tough. Oh life. Oh God, please help me. Amin.

Man in the mirror

2009-10-17T01:53:00.004+08:00

Its no longer like last time. It just feels different. If you read this in time, thats good. If not, its ok. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes to make this relationship better.

I do not wish to quarrel and spoil our weekend. Its ok. I accept what happened. Everyone makes mistakes.

But you gave me a nonchalant attitude. It seems like you never cared. Sigh maybe you have been like this all this while and i never realised. Maybe the feelings have changed after what i've said and did the last quarrel. Well, i have no one to blame but Wandi Juma'at himself.

I am rather glad that i managed to control my anger and not blow things out of proportion for just a small mistake you did. Its ok.

You take care.

I'm gonna make a change
For once in my life
Its gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

Man In the Mirror - Micheal Jackson

One mistake too many

2009-10-17T01:45:00.003+08:00

And yeah, today i feel so guilty of committing 2 road traffic offences.

Failing to give way to oncoming traffic.
Knocking a car side mirror will weaving in and out.

And if i wanna stay alive, i better stop making mistakes. Sigh... Lately, damn down... Sometimes one mistake can cost your life. Proven before.

And i swear i never see that lorry coming towards me when i was along Tai Seng Avenue today. Gosh, whats wrong... Too tired??? Sigh... No choice.

The Benchmark

2009-10-15T02:14:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, i must thank God for giving me a rather enjoyable time at work lately.

But then now, the BENCHMARK.

Today, went out to visit Cikgu(s) house with my primary school mates. One at Lorong Salleh the other at Tampines St. 45.

Here's what the ears heard.

Sufiyan - Finished NS, currently year 2 at NUS
Farah - Year 2 at SIM
Ahmad - Serving NS, private institution Part-time Degree
Azir - Staff Nurse at a local hospital, owns a car.

Wandi - Diploma, CB400, terrible life.

Eerrrmm, it seems that i am like 4 years lagging behind time. Omg, all these people are either somewhere at school or have settled down their life. And here Wandi Juma'at is struggling to make ends meet both at work and school. Oh gosh, this gotta change. I need to do something to make me part of the Degree league. Cars not yet. Hayabusa must.

Omg, thanks to upbringing problems, i am left behind in the race towards success. Omg, I hate this. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT this to be on par with the rest.

Time to work harder WANDI JUMA'AT!!!

Read this before its too late

2009-10-11T23:48:00.002+08:00

Maybe to you my actions showed that i never cared. But my intentions were good. I never meant any harm. I did things out of love and concern. Put all those intimate things aside, my words were meant for us, yes us not only you but for me to improve.

Nvm. i know you won't read.

Its ok. like the title say, read it before its too late. I hope you are not too late. This blog shall wait for you.

Don't regret when things happen. It cannot be reversed.

Read this before its too late

2009-10-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

I shall not sms you, msn or facebook with you or say anything to you. All correspondance will be via this blog.

If its too late and you never read it to bad.

What i have to say today.

I will prove to you without meeting and all that i still love and care for you. Its ok if you want to say this and that.

Like i said, humans only cry when their loved one is gone. When they are still around, scold them, fuck them and treat them like hell.

Nvm, its ok. I'll accept this and whatever you have said.

Toughest of the toughest

2009-10-11T01:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes its just hard to explain things. Sigh. I hate this. Life oh life. Treat me nicer. I am trying to treat you nicer.

I hate this stage. Going through agony and pain again.

Once again

2009-09-23T01:49:00.001+08:00

And once again, challenges after challenges. Hang in there and you'll be alright Wandi.

Its hard to understand if you come from a different world.

The search for a peace

2009-09-18T01:57:00.004+08:00

Moving to Kallang 5 years ago means moving closer to success on this earth. The Super Four, 2A, 2B, getting into poly, well achieved COS are evidence to prove my improvements after walking this earth for the past 22 years or so and having a stagnant life back then.

Moving to Bishan 5 years after moving to Kallang means moving closer to God. Hopefully the deeds today can be continued till He brings me back home. And that would be the final move.

Well of course, without a doubt, with the guidance of Mr Juma'at, life will improve. Life will get better and success is definitely at hand. He's a master for nurturing to success on this earth. Look at Waida now. Walking example.

The guidance of Hajjah (my mum) will also bring rewards. Her knowledge of Islam, will bring my heart closer to God. Insyallah.

You see... Wandi is a very greedy man. I want big bikes, big cars, big house, big paycheck, beautiful women. In short, everything that is good, i want. Until recently, i realised that yes, materials and things that revolves the world i want, but at the same time, faith, knowledge and deeds that will bring me closer to God, i also want :)

If i was greedy back then, i am more greedier now.

Thus, with the knowledge and skills imparted to me by His Majesty Juma'at, i will try to use it and guide my path for success. At the same time, i will and everyone knows, i thirst for knowledge and wordly thing, i will try to improve my lifeskills and get them. Lets not forget i will use the skills you impart me to get back what is rightfully mine in court come 7 October 2009, 1400 hrs.

With the knowledge that, i had and will learn from Her Majesty Hajjah Napsiah, i will and of course must try to make myself a good person. Not only being a Muslim. A good Muslim. Not only a son, student, worker, colleague, rider, boyfriend... whatever but a good one. A good human being.

I do not aim to be the richest man in the World or S.E.A neither do i aim to be Priest in the mosque. One day, as a father and husband, head of the family, all i ask for is, life above average. Hayabusa, VFR 800 (a must), Honda Accord (not a must), condo, a father that can bring up his kids well (this is a must after looking at how that idiot treat me), a husband who can provide well for his wife, everlasting marriage irregardless who i marry (also a damn bloody must!!! Not more divorce down my line of family tree) and a son who can take care of his mother (for what she had done to repent her mistakes she had done when i was young). Insyallah. Amin.

As a Muslim, all i ask is for God to give me the strength to uphold the 5 pillars of Islam diligently. To nurture religious discipline in my family. If possible, learn and research a bit more in depth about Islam when i am 55 :). I would be happy to bring my kids and wife, for Aidilfitri/adha prayers every year. In my life, i never and don't think will ever have this situation (my mum, my dad, my sisters) thus, i hope in the future i can have with my family (my wife, my kids, my wife). Insyallah.

Moving out of Kallang was a decision i made. I hope not to regret it. I just feel peace here. I get to talk. I guess talking calms me and gives me a peace of mind. If God wants me to come home, I hope he takes me when i am prepared for it. Now, i think i'm not. However, spiritually, i feel so relaxed. It seems that God have been answering my prayers. Alhamdullilah.

I pray hard for His blessing to answer my prayers and reward me with what i seek both on this world and after world. Insyallah. Amin. Please give me strength and motivation to carry on what i have been doing now even after end of Ramadan. I hope You will give me the strength and motivation to be a good worker, student, boyfriend, family, man and everything till my last breath. Insyallah. Amin.

Not only worldy desires that i seek, desires of the afterworld too that i seek.

To end this, here's a peek at my 'new' room.

See that small picture of 3 boys in uniform, the next post, will be it.

Good night everyone. Thank you for reading.

The Saga Continues

2009-09-11T03:56:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, Alhamdullilah...Alhamdullilah.

Some effort and prayers made me cleared my exams this time round. I thank Allah for making me clear this round of exams.

Well, this also shows that time management is super important. Last semester, i failed to managed time resulting in me failing my exams. This time round i've managed to control my time Alhamdullilah once again. He helped me clear.

The downside is that my CGPA is standing at 2.25 which is not good. My results were C+ the highest and D lowest. This is rather disappointing. The target of 2.7 is still far fetched. Sigh. More hardwork need to be done.

Part 2:

The story of the cold war between Father and Son titled "The Juma'at Sr. and Juma'at Jr. in the Cuban Missile Crisis" has just escalated to another level.

The amended title would be "Lies, Deception and Manipulation in a Family".

This old man knowing that he have to pay me maintanence of $572/month after i drag his ass to Family and Juvenile court decided to use an underhand method.

Informing my god-grandma was what he did. Knowing that i have utmost respect for this lady and i would never talk back against her, he decided to lie (well, if maybe fabricate will be a better word) to her and manipulate her feelings making her feel angry and disappointed in me. I feel so bad and sad that my grandma decided to believe him and starting saying i am not a filial son and etc.

Its ok its ok. Ramadan is the month where the Quran is brought down. And this Ramadan, will also be the month where Lies, Deception and Manipulation will be exposed. Insyallah.

Come this Monday, 1400 hrs, outside the Family and Juvenile Courts, i will speak what i have been keeping in me for 22 years. Wandi shalt speak the truth and nothing but the truth. I will tell everyone, my mum, grandma, family and whoever in attendance of what has been going on. You will hear my side of the story.

Good night everyone, have a good rest. Congrats for clearing 2.1 fellow Poly friends.

Once again, thank you Allah and Jessie Teo for staying by my side and giving me the emotional and financial support for all these rubbish and torture i am and had gone through. I am sorry if i was evil.

Prayers keep me emotionally at ease. I am sorry my dear Jessie for behaving like a jackass lately. You know that i love you. You know the tremendous pressure that i am going through. Well, this Monday the pressure and piled up steam in my head will be let go. Hopefully justice will take its course. Congrats for taking your first step to learning Islam. Insyallah, god will bring you to the right path. Good luck for your exams this Saturday.

It does not take your parents blessing to be succesful. It takes hardwork and Insyallah, with Allah permission and kindness thou shall succeed in life. Amin.

Welcome oh Welcome

2009-08-23T06:45:00.002+08:00

What a way to kick off the fasting month.

Had sahur (morning breakfast) at Jessie place with me cooking the rice (not up to standard) and Jessie giving her best in the kitchen by frying eggs (power!!!). Buka (break fast) at Grandma place, with my favourite dish (celok!!!).

Yeah, BCM was done with confidence. 4 more to go with NFUND being the utmost priority as i screwed my CA big time. Shit man Wandi. No more repeats.

The cold war here is getting more and more hostile. Wait wait. Now, FOCUS on papers. Once its all over, hehehehe. See you in court my man.

Happy fasting my dear JESSIE TEO and my friends.

Fear baby fear

2009-08-04T00:02:00.002+08:00

And i know its not often that i say this but lately i have been having this fear.

Fear of death.

Fear to lose my baby.

Full of fear lately.

And if i have the cash i will buy a car for Jessie. To ferry her around.

Its not that i hate riding or am afraid that i have lousy riding skills. I know i am not that super skilled but at the same time i am no lousy typical Singaporean rider. Scale of 10, i can give myself 7.5. Wait wait wait, that is when i am alert. The fear for riding with Jessie sinks in when i am losing concentration due to fatigue, anger or frustration. Other than that, no issue. Roads will never change, machine will never change, rider attitude will.

Well, it seems i love my Jessie more than my baby 1149 now.

Lately, health have not been good. Chest pains, migraines and what not. Thats where i am scared. Scared that i might be taken away. Well, that was what i always pray when depressed but no no no not now please.

Oh God Almighty, i wish to take back to cruel words i've used against myself, my loved ones (except my dad and his second family), my friends and whoever not. Forgive me my Lord.

Life is too short to die early. I have yet to reach my destination.

Nonetheless, shall i go, i pray that my Lord to look after my dear Jessie and bring her safely to wherever she wants to go; literally and metaphorically.

Good night everyone.

My Dear Jessie, shall i go before you, i pray to the Lord to look after you and bring you to the right path.

They Don't Care About Us

2009-07-21T05:36:00.003+08:00

And yeah, as i was about to type this post, Michael's song titled 'They Don't Care About Us" played.

Yeah, they (mum and dad) in my case don't care about us (Waida, Widia, Wandi)<--- the siblings.

So now, i had enough of all these crap.

Anyone who knows a lawyer who deals in family matters or someone who has knowledge or family courts and maintanence, please link them to me. If they are willing to offer their services, oh please beep me or something.

Time to investigate, get facts and procedures then if possible send him to hell.

Nights everyone.

$18000 lesson

2009-07-21T04:09:00.003+08:00

Today oh today, had a chat with Ril and Shaun. First, at Bishan then AMK McCafe.

The CB400SF aka FBD 1149D aka my beloved bike (don't get jealous ok my dear jessie) is an $18000 lesson. Well, financially it is mistake but pleasure and power its not. Live life to pay for it. Learn Wandi, learn. Oh ya, Dear remember this, your are my girlfriend/wife/bestie/endless list of adjectives but then my bike is my scandal :)

So now, more questions...

When is all this suffering going to be over?

Will i make it big in 5 - 10 years time?

What does the future hold for me?

And yeah, that old man, thank you for torturing me.

Finally, could be moving to Bedok in the future. Hello East siders, could be joining the East side soon.

Questions???

2009-07-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

Today, i ask myself this few questions...

Why am i so vulgar?

Why have i yet to control my anger?

Why am i so reckless on the roads?

When will all these pressure of school, work and life end?

Will i ever make it?

The Urge

2009-06-01T03:47:00.003+08:00

Omg, its exactly one month since the last post. Lol. Wandi has been inactive. Super inactive. Busy, playing THE SIMS 2, school and spend time with my dear. And yeah, i haven't work for a month. Worrying trend. Gonna start work soon. Shit man...

And yeah, urge here refers to the urge for biking and not the urge for sex. hahahaha. I got the urge for sex under control but the urge to go to track has yet to be satisfied.

Everytime i take the bend at Tampines Ave 5 entering PIE and the right bend into Bendemeer Road from CTE, the urge to suit up and get into track just get stronger. The only thing that is holding me back is money. I know dear won't be happy to hear this.

Let me explain. On the roads, my crazy riding; weaving in and out, cornering and speeding. All these when you are behind me, you don't think its dangerous. lol. On the track, yes, we are going super fast but we are protected. The suits and etc. So, its safer on track rather than roads. Not forgetting Singapore roads have LOUSY SINGAPOREAN DRIVER. Talking about this, my bike just go knocked few days back at Serangoon Garden Way. Knn ccb blind driver. Luckily that day i good mood. I bad mood KNN CCB all will come out. BASTARD!!!

So dear, tracking is safe. REMPITING on the roads of Singapore is not. lol. Well, after what Shahril told me about lining, body position and throttle control, i just can't wait to try it out on track. I've been practising on the roads of Singapore :) Should stop actually. Roads are not track. And added to that, seeing MotoGP today, makes me wanna get on my baby and go for a ride but then exams tomorrow :(

When will my baby feel track. Roads she have felt enough. Track not yet. Sigh. Gonna sleep now. Nights everyone. Pray that exams will be simple tomorrow.

And remember, four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul :)
-qouted by a Singapore bike forumer

My baby fitted with the GPR end can. She definitely look and sound nice.

lol... Random pic

Me and mimi (Jessie's dog)...

Alone time

2009-05-01T06:23:00.004+08:00

Hehehehe...

Its been sometime since i last blog.

Finally, today i get to blog and most importantly, i get to spend some personal time with my beloved bike at the carpark (washing her). Its been like ages since we had some together time :) Today, no disturbance. Only the two of us. Don't get jealous ok my dear Jessie, i've been spending a lot of time with you also :)

Despite getting a big present from Singapore pools, life is still super stress. I just pray hard that i can survive another 2.5 years. I hope i can make it. Please god, give me some faith and strength to carry on with this. Hopefully, 1149 open this weekend first prize. Then can change pipe again. Oops, must not tell Madam :)

So lately, i've been busy working, hanging out with friends and most of all, spend time with my dear. Spend a lot of time that i have no time to blog and having only 2.5 hours of sleep lately. Well, i guess its worth it. Oh ya, Wandi must learn to control his anger. Sometimes i wonder why i am so hot tempered when with you... Don't get me wrong. I mean well.

So, today i spent like 3 hours at the carpark giving my baby a good wash. Inside out. Every nook and cranny. Chain, engine case, body frame, rims, radiator cover, brake calipers, rear suspensions and whatever you can think of. Washed them clean :)

hehehehe... take a look at this...

My bike but Jessie name is all over.

The accessory that made me $680+$78 poorer. Oh gosh, but then again i just love the roar sound every morning in the carpark.

Who cares about the performance. When 1149 open, we can talk about performance :)

Good night everyone. Sleeping time. Working at 1600 hrs.

Long gone... Pictures time

2009-05-01T05:53:00.008+08:00

Finally, some blogging time... Lets welcome myself with pictures...

Work time

When i thought Kallang Pizza hut was happening, look at Punggol preparation

Play time

Amrun bike after Ril sticker job

The boys

The machines

Boys and machine

Girlfriend time

Last few days at Mcs

Waiting for me eh?

She always get the best riding gear

Sembawang Road makan time

Hehehehe... enjoying the biscuit (thanks to jannah)

Always and forever. the minah rempit pose

Vivocity time

Etc Etc time

Caught this baby outside the blue mosque

Omg, the Super Four (CB400) big big brother, CB1300

Whats going on Wandi?

2009-04-03T05:24:00.002+08:00

First foremost, Wandi had been busy PSPing, working and being a suami mithali :)

Well, the more i look at my bike, the more i love it.

The same applies for Jessie, whenever i scold you or tell you off means i love you :) hehehehe. Like old people say ah, i beat you because i love you. Kekekeke. Thank you for all the sacrifices you've made thus far but that does not mean can anyhow spend money hor... Times are bad now :( Sianzzz.

And yeah, lately people have been in thanks giving mood.

Jessie gave me a raincoat that cost at least 2/5 of my monthly pay (the newer 09 models cost $350. Refer to this link if you think i am bullshitting. Thank you hor dear, when you wanna buy the Yoshi full system? lol.

http://www.singaporebikes.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226376

Widia (my 2nd sister) finally came to her sense that Wandi will be on a bike longer than her so she decided to donate her ARAI SZF helmet to me which is always on Jessie head 99% of the time. I always wanted to own this helmet but then my gf safety is utmost priority. Moreover, she gave me her RS Taichi and its only right for me to return the favour. Well, this helmet cost about $300. Think i talk cock again? See below. Mind you prices are in €. Well, of course time passed so the value of helmets also depreciate.

And yeah, some riders rumour that there are cases where riders stayed alive in an accident because they put on the Arai helmets. Not so sure of the credibility of this but for the sake of safety, Jessie will wear it. Wandi die ok. Jessie die not ok!!!

http://www.cusworths.co.uk/content/pages/shop/manufacturers/Helmets/Open%20Faced/Unisex/Arai-SZF/1.htm

And yeah, next sem, i guess i will be parting ways with my beloved 01 mates. Oh gosh, i will miss your company. But nonetheless, maybe this a fucking wake up call to me. Don't fucking blow up the second chance at education. Enough of playing and working. Time to pull up the grades. Hopefully i can. Typing is easier than doing.

I guess thats about all for now. PSP is calling. Time to go. Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

I am back...

2009-04-03T04:29:00.008+08:00

Its been sometime since the last post. Well, lets kick off my multiple postings with some pictures.

What have i been doing all this while? Pictures will tell

As always, supporting the Malaysian petroleum industry. Btw, on a friends Yamaha YZF-R1

Thank you very much my dear for the RS Taichi jacket... Only riders will know the value of such high end riding goods.

Lately, i've always been with her. Its time to buy season parking at Choa Chu Kang.

Aku jadi pillow eh?

Her hand... Like a drawing block. lol.

As always, JB

So this is what Jessie have been up to lately

Women = shopping, mahjong and all money decreasing activities

Muka maintain ok

Personal assistant to Wandi. Thank you for pumping the petrol.

Last few days at McDs.

Jessie is well known for this step cute post

And i know that the Arai helmet makes you look very chubby. Haha.

She gave me the RS Taichi jacket and i gave her the ARAI Szf helmet.

Another one of her step cute pics... @ Punggol Plaza Pizza Hut

Finally finally, the machine (my 2nd gf) that had and will be carrying us around, from Sg to Jb and go knows where.

Now, she got a name. Xin (last character of Jessie hanyu pinyin name)

And i like it when Jessie takes ownership of my bike.

Dear when is the Yoshi pipe coming??? :)

Turbulent times

2009-03-11T15:15:00.003+08:00

Its been sometime since the last post. And i was occupied with Jessie PSP, outings and of course work.

It seems like things are getting from bad to worse.

I have 2 supp papers, so much debts and on top of that, i dunno where my relationship is going.

Maybe there should not be a second chance for me when in comes to school and relationship.

I am just screwing everything up. This is sad.

Another shot?

2009-02-23T20:16:00.002+08:00

Wandi will never learn i guess.

Given another shot at education and here i am screwing it up. First, it was the Super Four craze. Now, its a new found love. Need to set priorities right. Or should i say need to manage time more efficiently.

So, today i screwed up Air Con and Emaths2. 2 ways to solve this. Supplementary papers or retake module. Not ruling out the option of retaking the module to get a better CGPA. Supp papers will mean goodbye to overseas study dream. Retaking will mean extended poly life. Need to make a decision and fast. Make a decision that i won't regret and most importanly make sure of improvements after decision is made. But then again, Wandi tend to contradict at times.

Given another chance to be in love and here i am starting the old attitude problem. Fatigue and mood swings just go hand in hand. When i am tired, i will be in rash act mode. Do stupid things and etc. I am sorry.

And when i said that there's no point of meeting or talking when one party is tired as it might cause the tired person to behave in a manner jeopardising the friendship/relationship, here i am going against my word. I am sorry ok. I know i am behaving like an asshole. I'll try my best not to repeat this.

I think that i should rest when its time to rest rather than stressing my body out then start behaving like an asshole. As i've said, i am aware of my actions but sometimes i just can't control my actions. I am sorry. I know you are trying super hard to make this work. I am too. I will give you time and hope that you will give me time too.

I am sorry for what happened.

Good night, have a good rest.

The transitions

2009-02-19T01:22:00.003+08:00

Currently, there are 2 transitions going on.

Transition 1 - Single life to boifie life (Jessie version of boyfriend. lol.)
Transition 2 - Kallang Pizza Hut to Pizza De France to Punggol Pizza Hut

Life have been great being with her despite some minor hiccups. Well, Melayu people say that its inevitable that you'll bite your tongue accidentally at times. Misunderstandings are just part of relationship. But luckily, Wandi managed to control his anger and not vent out on Jessie. I vent out on my baby 1149. Here's an excerpt from her blog.

"told u not to speed.u said "ok"end up,leavin my block carpark w high speed.on the road, zebra crossing u stil speed ahead"

Public Apology: Sorry ah dear, i was just feeling dissapointed that V day have to end up in such a manner. I don't want to vent out frustrations on you thats why i vent it out on my second wife :)

I know i haven't said this to you but i can see that you are trying hard to improve. And you've changed a lot. From smses to phone calls and etc. I've noticed changes though i do not say it. I just hope that you'll continue improving and i'll do my best to make this a more enjoyable and meaningful relationship. I feel grateful that you are doing something to make this relationship a more enjoyable one. Thank you.

But there are times when i just start thinking nonsense. I've told you this before. Its just some physcological effect i guess. Or maybe its just some internal thingy. I've never doubted you and i won't :) I try my best not to think nonsense ok :)

Transition 2
Week 3 since i started working at Punggol Plaza (PGP). Riders and management at PGP are ok as of now. Orders, wah power. Work five hours can cover 17 order. Wandi on the bloody wave like gila zip zapping down the streets of Punggol and Sengkang. Oh ya, corner at Rivervale Street and Rivervale Walk power!!! Like MotoGP... haha.

The other day one Kallang Bahru manager just popped by and started Lan Jiao Weing about Wandi. I realised that people enjoyed LJWing about Wandi. Ok la as long as you happy la. Thank god, Awal (PGP Restaurant Manager) decided not to swallow his words. He made the right choice of listening, observing, judging and not just listen to others blindly.

Talking about Awal, personally, i like him. As in the way he manages people and the store. Awal told me that he's not educated and etc thats why he have to work hard in Pizza just to earn a living. I can see that from the way he speaks English. But then, i am not looking down on him or anything. Personally, i feel that education may have stopped him from progressing into other industries but education certainly didn't stop him from turning PGP into a wonderful place to work in. I can see that Awal is a man with mission and vision unlike the old place where i used to work at. I assume the management there have an ulterior motive. From my POV, i think Awal are doing things that will not only benefit him but also benefit us. In Leadership, i call his sytle of management, the Hershey and Blanchard situational theory approach. Well, i've yet to see the evil side of him. I believe everyone have their evil side and its just a matter of how i handle it. I will try my best to handle nonsense. Idiots are everywhere. Thats inevitable. Hopefully, PGP does not have an idiots. For now, two thumbs up for Awal and PGP. Hopefully, things remains status quo.

I am just sick and tired of working part-time. I was telling Jessie how i wish i can spend the evenings with her or just have some personal time instead of being on a bike every evening sending orders. Life sucks that way. There's no meaning to life. I envy those who have full-time and part-time job. They can tahan such crap for years. Well, i guess thats the price you have to pay if you want to ride a Super Four.

So Wandi is giving himself till 2012/3 to stop this abnormal life. Once i get my dip and hopefully a deg, i'll find a full-time 8 to 5 job that pays me enough so that i can spend time with Jessie, myself, friends and maybe if things go well, my family (as in wife and kids and not mum and dad). I don't want to spend my evenings working no more in the future. Just want to lead a normal life and not working like a monyet batteri.

For now, endure, endure and endure. Life is tough but someone just came into my life and gave me the motivation to carry on with life. Juggling studies and work is super tough. But must stick to the army motto "Tough times don't last, tough men do".

Oh ya, i was running through youtube and saw this montage to a fallen rider. Just felt that the song was damn touching. Here it is, Bila Aku Sudah Tiada by Hujan. Sorry to non-Melayu readers.

Bila Aku Sudah Tiada - Hujan

I don't know you personally but being a rider, watching this vid just makes me feel how his loved ones felt when they lose him. RIP my dear rider.

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

Rolling Good times at Haji Lane

2009-02-17T06:44:00.004+08:00

Sheesha at Haji Lane

Visit to Seletar Tower

Please thank the Super Four Headlight for all your lighting and most importantly, the guys behind the camera.

Quddus aka Duz Black

Ril aka Racer Maut

Tougher than i thought

2009-02-15T17:45:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I guess its my fault.

I hope you understand this scenario. We meet only 2 or three times a week, sometimes only once. All i am asking for us to enjoy every single second of each others company. Its been tough since day 1. I know. I really appreciate the fact that you have been enduring this.

And there are times when you and i have no idea where to go. I guess all we could do is get a place to sit and talk or something. Time is really precious when i'm with you. Thats also the reason why i tend not to entertain phone calls, smses or anything else for that matter when i'm with you.

Like i've said, its not materials or any form of cash gifts i am asking from you. I just want someone who loves me sincerely. I know i've been saying to my friends about how i always wanted a girl with cash and etc. But thats not true. If you know me just by the surface, the statements of women & money may seem true to you but if you know Wandi for who Wandi is, then you'll know what i seek for in a women.

And please call me if you are not feeling well or whatsoever at night or any time of the day. Don't keep it to yourself. I just feel so bad for what happened yesterday. Its like i am neglecting my duties as a boyfriend. I am sorry.

I know i was reckless on the roads yesterday. The reason why i did that was because i don't want to vent my disappointment at you. I was never angry with you. There are times when i just feel hopeless and useless. I hope you understand me. I really don't want to raise my voice, hand or whatsoever at you. I know i am capable of doing that but everytime i feel like doing it, i just tell myself that i've changed and i won't do what i used to do again.

Pass BTT eh :)

2009-02-12T02:40:00.004+08:00

Exactly 8 more days to papers. Please oh please put in a lot of effort Wandi. I don't want supp papers or round 2 of the same modules.

DFUND Lab test in a few hours time, CADS quiz friday. Gosh. Life oh life.

To Jessie, congrats on passing BTT. Drive car already dun forget Super Four ok :) Oh ya, next time avoid posting personal info like add and IC no. online. Like i said, later tio harass need ex-policeman like me to rescue you :)

Give you a kiss ok for passing BTT :)

And dear, put colour aside, we still have a lot of differences. We could either put our differences aside, improve on it or maybe just live with it. I doubt there are couples born to perfection. Know that Wandi is not perfect but he is real. If there's anything you are not comfortable with, voice out, i'll try to improve. Everyone will have differences. Its just a matter of how we handle them :) If we can make our differences into similarities, it would be a bonus. Rest assured. I will give my best.

I know your time is as tight as mine. School, work and etc.... Well, i hope that we can work something out. I will try to align my schedule to yours if i need be. Don't worry ok, Super Four don't mind going BB and CCK even if rider asleep while on the way there provided petrol sponsored by you :) hahaha.

Good night everyone.

Good night dear. I know you are sleeping like a baby after all the work.

Thank you for reading :)

Sweet Tapioca Porridge

2009-02-10T23:32:00.007+08:00

And so, that was the show i watched on TV few moments ago. Its been like sometime since i last was a drama serial.

Anyway, yeah since today morning i've been disturbed. Woke up this morning to know that my sister slashed her wrist so badly that she had to be admitted to TTSH and later referred to IMH. She's not crazy. Just super depressed. Oh gosh, it seems that i'm not the only one with suicidal tendencies.

So now, i have to be a good brother and take care of her. Ensure that she is safe and she don't do stupid stuffs. I'm like smsing her "You take care of yourself. Don't do stupid things". I feel so awkward. Firstly, my siblings are I are not close. Secondly, mind you its not my younger sister. She's like 8 years older than me. It feels so weird advicing someone older than you. The thought of my sister gone justs made me wanna cry. Its ok if Wandi go but not someone related to me. Thats is despite we are not that close.

Well, what she needs is constant supervision and someone to talk to. Just like me, when she's left alone, she will do stupid stuffs. I guess thats one of the traits we have in common. Leave us alone, we go bizarre.

But when its Wandi, such things will not happen. If i were to do it, i'll make sure all you see is my corpse. Not a badly injured Wandi. Just too much of attention. I remembered the last time my suicide attempt was unfold by my mum. She was like giving so much attention. Aargh, thats not the way for me.

As i said earlier, was watching Sweet Tapioca Porridge. So touching sia the show. But sad to say, such romantic love stories don't happen in real life.

Its time to call it a day. Super tired. Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

On paper, we are together.
But are we together in our hearts?
Its yes for me, i hope its yes for you.
I'm not doubting you.
I just hope things will get better as time goes on.
I've seeked advice from the 'Don'.
I'll prove to you i'll be the man you can and will love more than anyone else.

The Dawn of a new Hitler Era

2009-02-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

Its been like a week since the last post.

Well, this post has no political content or what.

The title of this post is to tease Jessie. hehehe...

Lets make it short and simple as i've got to do some Maths in a while.

Last week, life was kinda hell. The Customs crap, money was being to super tight, then some emotional roller coaster.

But this week, life got a bit better.

Collected my pay, settled the Customs crap, got a new job (yeah, i'm back with Pizza Hut but now at Punggol) and the MOST IMPORTANT THING, as per the title, Hitler is coming back. Hehehe...

Will blog again soon, need some study and a lot of sleep. Haven't had proper sleep lately.

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

PS: Jessie, i am just joking only ok... In this event, thou shall not take my words seriously.:)

Pics and pics

2009-02-05T00:12:00.003+08:00

Some pics that should have been posted long time ago.

Boys misbehaving in school:

Deciding on the style

'Live' telecast of their chosen style

Earlier that day (Foreground, Younger twin, background, older twin)

Hehehehe... Last thursday outing with Ah Lian (Jessie)

The irony. Mat and Ah Lian... lol.

Mat, handsome, Lian step cute :).

Lian wearing shades to hide the cute eyes. lol.

Hungry eh?

3 Musketeers late night outing

Marina Barrage

Farrer Road McDonalds/Telok Blangah Green Bridge

**PS: Captions are for entertainment purposes and not meant to discriminate, defame or derogate any party. Sorry if the captions have offended you. Dui Bu Qi, especially Jessie, everytime disturb you only :)

Shahril, thanks for the artistic shots. No doubt, first class photography skills . Ok, cannot praise too much. lol.

Finally, the post will end with a 2 kerat pantun for the riders out there.

Jiwa racer biarlah sampai ke mati,

Tapi bila di jalan raya please berhati-hati :)

Good night everyone. Thank you for reading.

Lunar New Year

2009-01-27T00:57:00.002+08:00

What a way to welcome the Lunar New Year.

Major Occurences

- Colleague met with an accident sending his 1st order in the morning of the Lunar New Year (now warded at TTSH. Hope you get well soon bro)

- Near miss with a car and bus along Buangkok Green (either i'm blind, cause i was not wearing my glasses or the car is stupid)

- Showed the international hand sign to 2 blind drivers for cutting my lane (ok, time to stop this)

- Customer at Lengkong Satu greeted me with a $5 'hongbao' on my first order (keep it coming)

- Reservist recall order again (not again...)

- Worked 13 hours today. Same tomorrow.

- Decided to try my luck on the $10m toto Hongbao draw (no luck again. Sianzzz)

Observations and comments

- Met this little boy while sending an order. He was alone. So poor thing. First day of the new year and he's like so lost. Was helpful enough to give me directions. Thanks little boy.

- Looks does not matter when it comes to kindness. Sent an order at Compassvale Dr and was greeted by this rather big-size lady. Despite her unappealing looks, she had the heart of an angel. Greeted and made me felt warm eventhough it was less than a 5 minutes visit. Ended my day smiling. 2 thumbs up for her. Great way to end the day.

In Short...

The accident today was a vital reminder that i should always be attentive on the roads (this reminder is always forgotten when i hit the roads). Ride fast but ride safely. Despite the society perception that riding is dangerous, WANDI still INSIST that its about the man not machine. Judgement, Skill, Knowledge and not LUCK are the things that keep me alive on the roads. Same principle applies to all riders. Ride safely my fellow riders.

Its sad to see little kids wondering around on a this so joyous occasion. Reminds me of the days when i was young.

Nothing beats kindness. Not even great looks. Its a waste that majority of women nowadays have great look but poor etiquette and courtesy. Same applies for man. Great looks and an even greater desire for lust. Hopefully, Wandi will be a man of good faith. Well, time will tell. At this point, time just told that Wandi has finally learnt the ropes of patience :) Hopefully, i can be super patient.

Thats all for today. Good night everyone. Thank you for reading.

Be GENTLE on the straights. Be a MAN at the corners :)

Life oh life

2009-01-25T03:59:00.003+08:00

And when i thought life was getting better, i got a present from Singapore Customs. A present that made me $500 poorer. Oh gosh.

Jessie was kind enough to offer some help but then i declined. I got myself into this trouble, i must get myself out of it without any third party assistance. I won't ask anyone help. Its not that i am being stuck up but its unfair to others to clean up the mess that i've made. I'm ready to 'stay in'.

I'm making decisions that i might regret in the future. Aargh, when is life going to get better?

Neways, found a few so called new songs to listen. 2 of those songs really means a lot. Sandiwara Cinta Semusim (errrm how do i translate this?? Sandiwara- Stageplay, Cinta- Love, Semusim- Season) and Hanya Satu Persinggahan (only a stopover). Instruments not that wonderful but then the lyrics, gosh so touching.

Shahril just informed me that his mum was reading my blog. So now, gotta watch the words and what i say. Apparently, she got to know of Shahril racer reputation from my blog. Hehehehe... Sorry eh bro. Oh ya SHAHRIL listen to the songs bro. Its so feeling. lol.

HANYA SATU PERSINGGAHAN - RAHMAT

SANDIWARA CINTA SEMUSIM - IKLIM

Good night everyone. Thank you for the reading.

The Perfect Boyfriend

2009-01-22T00:02:00.002+08:00

I feel the urge once again to talk about something random.

Today, was at work when one of my colleagues brought a girl he knew through a chain of friends. He, of course was being extremely nice to her. Also, overheard him saying to another colleague that in a few days time he can 'poke' the girl already. hahaha... Wandi, for once not being Wandi just sit down, shut his mouth, opened my ears and eyes. Oh ya, Wandi tried to avoid conversation with that girl. Don't want to be mistaken. Enough of lies from those who have already hated me.

That scenario inspired this post.

Through observations of others and myself, i realised that, tendency of men/boys being gentlemen and everything nice are very high during courtship or what i call 'honeymoon' period. Well, that does not exclude me also. I realise that i tend to be super nice when i just get to know someone of the opposite sex especially if i am interested in her. Wandi, being man cannot escape the faults of life. Sianzzz. And so, this situation is what i call "The Perfect Boyfriend".

Maybe, this is one of the factors that lead to a high divorce rate in the Melayu society. Before marriage, man is a wonderful person and the women behaves like an angel. Everything you do is right. Everthing i do is right. After marriage, reality strikes, man becomes a beast women becomes a slut. Nothing you do is right and nothing i do is right.

So, I realised that i shouldn't be pretending to be nice (this statement just doesn't advertise me well). But then, i think instead of being PERFECT, i should be REAL. I also realised this. Pretending to be good, for eg; being a taxi driver, act like someone who comes from a rich family, romantic, gentlemen and etc is just one of the many bait that are being used today to lure women and vice versa but the question is, HOW LONG CAN YOU PRETEND? 1 day? 1 year? 10 years? 100 years? There is bound to be a time when you can't pretend anymore and thats where hell break loose. Or what i call "State of Emergency".

Thus, being real is the objective in my next relationship (and that is if i have one). I know that reality is a bitter medicine to swallow. Harsh words are something that we don't like to hear. But then, we have to face reality. We can't escape reality. Its just a matter of time. Stealing a bell with one's ears covered is just not the way to live life in a relationship.

Instead of being Mr. Perfect, Wandi is going to be Mr. Real. I will not pretend to be nice. I will not pretend that everything is ok. If i don't like, i'll spit it out. From there, we work towards a solution. If we can't work a solution, then its time to go our own ways... Ok, thats not good but then i personally feel that if there's a problem die die must have a solution. Its a matter of whether you want to solve it or not. Well, i think speaking your mind is better than painting your partner a beautiful picture where everything is nice and when you are at the edge, you blow up. Its better to solve problems when they are small. If the roots are not removed during weeding, the weeds will grow again when the winds of Spring blows.

My personal view, accept me for who i am, where i come from, what i've done and what i have. In return, i'll try to be a man of good faith. And of course, i will be honest in all my dealings with you but if you want something better, skip me. Notwithstanding the above statement, that does not mean that i will be a cruel guy. That also does not mean that i will not change. If its for my own good, i will change but of course everything takes time, Rome was not built in one day. But but but, never tell Wandi to stop riding for the sake of safety. I will start an endless debate and make sure i'll have the final say. Simply because when on the roads, its about the man not the machine. If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words. So, to understand Wandi, you'll have to listen to his words. I talk a lot and there are times when i bore listeners. I speak nothing but fact. When i talk law, its not just numbers that i pluck from the sky. Its from a site called agc.gov.sg. When i talk road, i've been through it. Its not a fiction of my imagination. If i don't know, i will say i don't know. I am not God. I don't know everything. **This para. is not an advertising tool. Its a fact.

Fact: Wandi threw a spanner (or screwdriver) at his ex-girlfriend, Sri.
Fiction: Wandi hit Sri with a helmet.

As i've said, no man is perfect. Its better to know the other party imperfections now rather than its too late. If you have to end something now, end it. The other party might get hurt but if you end it when its too late or when you are married, you'll not only hurt the other party, think about the kids and other complications. I come from a broken home so i know how it feels like to be separated from one parent. My sisters and i are part of a complication due to a failed marriage. It sucks but thats reality of life and i've learnt to accept it.

Henceforth, when dealing with women, Wandi will try and must try to be REAL instead of PERFECT. Accept him for who he is :)

For now, good night. Thank you for reading.

Life on the overtaking lane of Bundesautobahn

2009-01-20T01:34:00.003+08:00

Well as the title denotes, life is moving too fast. Too fast that i can't cope at times. I feel as if i am losing control of my machine (my life in this instance).

2 more days - leadership presentation
4 more weeks - major exams

So many things to do yet so little time. Or am i just managing my time poorly. Oh gosh, can i slow down a bit? Perhaps to 50 km/h.

I feel so damn tight. I've yet to prepare for exams. I've yet to prepare for presentation. I am dead. I know exams are like in 4 weeks and some might think that its still far away but its not. Now, the immediate task, presentation. Gosh. I hate this crap.

Neway, today was like a day full of crapping. Morning did CADS then started crapping. Crapping was to the max esp. in FACOM lab. Thanks to Beel, Min and Zack for entertaining me. Need that badly.

Pictures time.

Fooling around with Hui Ping in PSPS

Autocad. That 3D thingy is so cool.

Smoking time boys!!!

Until now, life still suck. Put aside matters of the heart. Matters of the pocket is still troubling me to.

And yeah Ril, i will listen to what you've said. Let people do what they want to us. We just do our best. And now, i must bow down and listen to your advice despite you being younger.

And i've qoute your chat and will bear in mind what you've said.

5hahril- When consciousness returned. Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you. says (2:00 AM):
jage diri baik2 bro

5hahril- When consciousness returned. Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you. says (2:00 AM):
jng buat yg bukan2

5hahril- When consciousness returned. Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you. says (2:01 AM):
DIE FIGHTING DON'T DIE AS A COWARD!!

5hahril- When consciousness returned. Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you. says (2:01 AM):
ingat

Wankidal - says (2:01 AM):
lol

5hahril- When consciousness returned. Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you. says (2:01 AM):
GOAL KITE BROTHERS - THAILAND!

Ok bro, hopefully one day the tires of our class 2 bikes will touch Thailand. And thats what we call BAND OF THE BROTHERS!!!

ANYWAY SHAHRIL, DON'T FORGET WHAT I'VE SAID IN MSN. SAVE THE CHAT LOG.

My brain tell me to let go of you cause i can't take the torture anymore but my heart tells me not to let you go cause i still have feelings for you. I know you will say this "Think what you want". When it comes to matters of the heart, i will listen to my heart and not my brain. Lets try this again. I hope things will improve. Good night everyone.

Delirium

2009-01-17T02:31:00.006+08:00

I don't want to regret the actions that i take today. At the same time, i don't want to feel as if i am not maximing whatever i have.

I confused. My mind is in a state of delirium. There are times when i feel so depressed. There are times when i feel so angry. But i've yet to feel maximum happiness.

Just came back from JB. I could have asked Ril, Ah Xiang, Zul, Hadi, Zaki or the Stallion Boys to come along but i choosed to went alone. I was like stoning and listening to music peacefully while on the way to JB. I didn't even have the mood to go fast or jump at corners. I was trying to rest my mind in peace. But i couldn't.

At times, I think i just need some time alone to unwind and let go of the stress and thoughts of suicide that have been incarcerated in my brain for a long time. There are times, i wished i could spend time with you sitting down somewhere to have a good chat. Its gonna be a week soon.

But i can't achieve any of these.

I tried to rest my mind and just have ten minutes or so not thinking about money, women, bikes or school or even you. Just ten minutes to leave my mind blank. I couldn't achieve it. I guess i should consider yoga soon.

Seriously, life is kinda cock-up now. I want to do things but the same time i am afraid my actions might offend others and most importantly i'm afraid i might regret my actions. Had i face such a situation 7 years back, i would just blow up and start slitting my wrist with a cutting blade. I don't know where we are heading to. Usually, i don't believe in fate or luck but today, when it comes to this matter, i think i will leave it to fate. I just hope that lady luck will strike soon.

I'm confused, tired and stressed. I need some form of encouragement which no one else but you can give. I'm like missing you dearly but there's nothing i can do. I think i still have to wait. Patience is virtue i guess.

There are times when i just hate life. Gosh, this life is full of suffering.

Maybe lately readers have been finding it hard to understand what i am trying to say. Nonetheless, to those who have been reading despite not understanding, thank you. For now, good night.

Love is a lie

2009-01-15T17:02:00.003+08:00

There are times when i feel that love is a big fucking lie.

I tried doing everything and anything i could to ensure that things go well but many a times my effort went down the drain. When i try to commit, put in effort, the other party start to take things lightly and take things for granted.

When i become an asshole, the other party get hurt. I'm lost in a love maze. Well, could it be retribution. I think so. There are times i wished that i was born a playboy. Fuck a girl, leave her and next please. If only i could, life would have been much simpler.

I don't want to be an asshole. I don't want Wandi to go back to his old traits. This is a new year, the bad should change for the good. The year is only 15 days old and life is already so sucky. What a way to welcome the new year.

I understand that everyone have their responsibilities and things to attend to. I also understand that there out people out there that does not express their feelings on the phone or smses. I also understand that there are people who are super tight and have very little time for others.

I did what i could to squeeze every second of time i have to do everything i could. I tried to understand every single difficulty you are facing but when things happen and i bring it up, you will start saying things like "Ok la, its my fault", "You should try to understand", "If you want, you can go". Even if can't meet you, the least i am asking for is you to call and ask how i am doing. Hearing your voice would cure the yearn to meet you for a while. I am getting none of it.

I am not trying to say that i am angel and you are a devil. I did what i could. Maybe its not good enough. Maybe to me my efforts are 100% but to you its only 10%. Maybe i've done something wrong. Well, i think i'm not doing enough or perhaps Wandi is not good enough. If i am not good enough, i am sorry.

Lately, i've been trying very hard not to blow things up. I tried my very best to control my temper. I tried not to throw tantrums. But there is so much a man can take. If i don't blow up, i'll just go crazy. I don't want to be my old self and i need you to show me some form of encouragement or support to this already sad life of mine.

I don't like to say this but there are times when i feel as if you take me too lightly or in simpler terms you just don't care. But maybe i am asking this and that. Maybe i am asking for too much. Maybe i am misinterpreting things. I don't know.

I don't know what i should do or what can i do. I just feel so sucky and this feeling will never go. Life is so full of suffering.

I don't know where this friendship is heading to. As long as i can wait, i'll wait. Like i've said in my previous post, i'm not going to talk about death to anyone or blog it down. If i want to do it, i'll do it. Talking about it just attract too much attention which i don't like. For now, I just want some support and concern from you. If what i am asking is too much, its ok. You are not obliged to do it. I am not hoping for it though having it would lessen the emotional burden i am going through.

3 musketeers

2009-01-15T03:58:00.003+08:00

All this talk about suicide if its not going too happen its rather attention seeking. And its not good. Well, i've promise to be a man of my words. So if i say i'll do it and i don't its like contradicting myself. For now, life still sucks but trying to remove thoughts of suicide.

The 3 musketeers as usual met at AMK McCafe.

Seems like everyone have problems in their life. Big or small we have to go through it and its about how you handle it.

Eldest musketeer advice, change the course of you life. Eldest musketeer knows that Wandi don't believe in fate. If i want it, i will do something to get it. Just like the Super Four. Work like monkey just to pay Super Four. So now, must try to pick up myself and change the course of my life.

Youngest musketeer advice, don't suicide. We are not ready for it (the after world). Yeah, i guess so. Not forgetting the after world or things like that if it does really exist. Nonetheless, i guess its time to seek some peaceful time maybe at some religious institution or something.

Don't worry, even if i go, i'll make sure i pass down my baby Super Four.Hahaha. For now, pick up myself, find a new and stable part-time work, revise some school work, show some love to people who i love and life will get better.

Nights everyone.

Suicide is Painless?

2009-01-13T23:22:00.002+08:00

That song by Manic Street Preachers is a fake. I was browsing through the net to find ways but then its too painful to end life. There are no shortcuts to death. Life is painful so is death.

Lately, i've been super super depressed. Imagine this, open book test but i can't do a single shit. How pathetic can i get? On top of that, lets not forget the stupid financial turmoil i'm going through and will continue to go through for maybe the next 2 years or so. Oh god, life is so sucky now. Can't i just enjoy life for once. This year will make 22 years of suffering. But then again, its good to know that i am good pretender.

To my friends out there, if i ever go, don't be sad. Life is already so sad don't make it worse. I've said this before and i will say this again. If you have treasured me when i was alive, there's no reason for you to be sad when i am gone. Nonetheless, i'll give it a last try. One last try to improve life. Suicide by jumping i guess is a no no. Don't want to trouble my fellow policeman friends on duty. For god knows, it might be Shaun picking up my remains.

I've read your blog. I feel so touched by your words. Just like you, i am ready. But at this point, i don't know how to carry on with life. So many things coming at one go.

PS: I've remove the tagboard. For now, i'm not ready for comments. I'll place it back when i'm ok. Just hope for the taggy to come back cause if it don't...

Nights everyone. Good night Jessie. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

Wandi...

2009-01-13T00:03:00.004+08:00

I think Mdm Sue made me realise something. I am a full time student but i work more than i study. 29 academic hours and 42 Pizza Boy hours.

Next target she said, i will have to cut down work hours to 30 hours per week. That will mean that i will only bring back about $504. Wah lao, where got enough??? So i decided to moderate the hours and plan to adjust to 35 hours per week. That will mean $588 per month. Sounds better. Talking about work, i need to find a new job soon.

Talk about school, oh gosh, major exams are like in 3 weeks time.

My life is in a mess. From work to school and to friendship. All are in mess. This is not taking into consideration of my bills. Hp bills, cc bills, installments, daily expenditure. Aaargh, if not for my baby Revo, i would have given up. Thats the only thing that makes me go on now. I feel so hopeless. I am hoping for some miracle to occur.

Now, my leg hurts, head hurts, eyes hurts and heart hurts. Everything is hurting. Last night 2.5 hours of sleep. And PSPS time plan said that i have 52.5 hours of sleep weekly. I think thats like 'on paper'. Off paper, i have only like 38 - 45 hours of sleep. Sigh. Wandi Wandi what is becoming to your life. Its ok, i am still young. I can still push my body to the max. Need to start resting my body at 27. So i got 5 more years to torture my body with maximum work, minimum sleep.

It seems that sms are left unreplied at times, calls are answered unwillingly and feelings are left unaccepted. Well thats life i guess. Patience is virtue. I can't believe that i am being so patient. Wandi has turned soft. Thats good i guess.

If there's one thing i wish for, i wish for money money and more money so that i don't have to think about other stuffs like women, study and etc. Life still suck. Its not giving a good oscilloscope reading as of now.

A speech may either prosper or ruin a nation.

I think my words have ruined a lot of things and relationship with people. Wandi oh Wandi. Whats going on?

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

Washing time... :)

2009-01-12T04:46:00.005+08:00

Its been like ages since i washed my bike. Ok Wandi is exaggerating. It was just 2 weeks ago. Well, i promised to wash my bike every week but since i got too many things at one go, i try and i said i try to do it 2 weeks once. But then sometimes its like 3 weeks once. So using the term ages ago is not wrong. Haha. At last, some personal time with my bike. And of course, Ril the racer washed his bike too. We were at Bishan MSCP until like 0400 hrs. We started at 0000 hrs.

Found a new so called hobby. Cleaning up the drive chain. Will try to do it once a month. And yeah, thinner work wonders on dirt and grime. Take a look at the pics below. I know, people will say Wandi is crazy to clean the drive shaft but then its love for my machine :) Take care of your machine and the machine will take care of you on the roads.

To bike lovers out there, any solvent can be used to clean the chain. Don't forget to lube the chain after cleaning as the chain will get 'dry'. Be warned that its gonna be a dirty job though.

My drive shaft pics.

The artistic angles are thanks to Shahril

Super clean chain and sprockets. Rest assured that you won't get your hands dirty if you touch it. Maybe only sticky due to layer of lube(thats immediately after the wash).

Rils ride drive shaft.

Look at the before (bottom part) and after (top part). Fyi, my baby bumble bee was using RK X ring GOLD chain. Now, it doesn't have the GOLD look anymore.

Nights everyone. Thanks for reading.

And yeah, Wandi miss going to CCK North 6. Sianzzz. I want to but because of our busy schedule i can't do so. I'm sorry. I miss CCK North 6 carpark and the girl that lives there. Maybe Wandi should consider downgrading to a wave so that i can spend more time with you. I know you are asleep. Enjoy your course. Good night.

Exaggerating kills

2009-01-11T05:19:00.006+08:00

First things first. Got my phone back from Sony Ericsson service centre. Thank god the queue was not like last time. Used to wait for like 1 hour plus just to send the phone. Now, it only takes like 20 minutes or even lesser. New earpiece, new USB cable and new motherboard. Wohoo, my phone is like new. Hahahaha.

***********************************************************************************

Last week, i was informed by informer A that Sri (my ex) was bad mouthing me to her ESC cliques which includes Kira, Ira and co (their names just rhyme). lol. Well she could have bad mouthed about me to more people which i don't know and i don't care. Maybe thats why Kira is like giving me the transparent act. She used to acknowledge my presence. Well, i don't care. Don't need her to acknowledge me. Even if the whole Temasek Poly ignores me, i'm fine with it. My life will be hard. I will be lonely but i won't die. Worst case scenario, i can just quit school and go to another poly. There are 4 other poly to choose from. The main reason why i am at Temasek Poly is because i want my diploma and nothing else. To those who have been accompanying my journey to the diploma, Wandi is so grateful. Thank you very much. God shall bless you.

Sri Side of the Story:

According to informer A, Kira said that Sri told her(Kira) that Wandi hit her with a helmet and that was the cause of the break up.
___________________________________________________________________

Wandi side of the story:

Wandi did not hit her with a helmet. Yes, i admit i was cruel. I threw my bloody license plate which had her name engraved on it at her and a size 8 spanner. The license plate flew aimlessly and the spanner hit the license plate (she was holding on to the license plate at the stomach area). Technically, nothing hit her.

The cause of the break up was some complicated story which if i were to say it here, people will say that Wandi is LAN JIAO WEING about Sri. So i shall keep it to myself.

Band of the brothers know why we broke up. Just like them, i thought this crap is over. I thought i had ended the relationship on a good note. I hate making enemies and don't want to but circumstances left me with no choice but to add another being on my enemies list.

Hehehe.... The number plate that is attached on my bike below was the one that flew at her. Thank god the bike was heavy. Had it been light, i would have thrown the bike at her.

__________________________________________________________________

So, Amrun was like asking me to confront Sri and get the facts right. I was like errrmmm, good idea. Then again, i can't be bothered. I know what i did and did not do. My conscience is clear. There's no need to worry about this stupid girl. Not worth my time and stress. Stress is very valuable and i should only stress about money and study...

There are a few ways to solve this problem. I could walk up to her at school and give her a hard slap with my left hand. Hard enough that it will leave 5 fingers impression on her right cheek or i could give her a verbal assault in front of her friends that will shame her or i could just let the matter rest.

I am going to let the matter rest. Its not that i am admitting defeat or acknowledging the fact that her words are true but i think i just can't be bothered. Like i've said, its just a waste of time and energy. Let her LAN JIAO WEI all she want about Wandi until she is happy. Wandi, all this had never intentionally LAN JIAO WEI about Sri to her friends or my classmate. Do what you want. As long as it pleases you. I've found other better things to do.

Me and Nabeel are forming a partnership and only Nabeel will know if what i've said about you are true. He was in the same boat as i am. Only he knows whether i am LAN JIAO WEING about you or not. To others, my words may just be a compostion derived from my imagination but to those who know you, they know my words are nothing but the truth.

Like always, Wandi speaks nothing but the truth. If i know it, i know it. If i've done it, means i've done it. If not, i won't act smart unlike someone called Sr.... Ok, lets not LAN JIAO WEI about you.

I don't know why the hell you have to create stories and make me look bad. Now, whenever your friends look at me, i bet they will be like "Hey, thats the guy that hit Sri". Nvm nvm nvm, let people have the impression that Wandi is an asshole. Well, maybe i am an asshole. Its ok. I've said this a million times and i will say it again. I can't control the words that comes out from your mouth and i can't control what your brain is thinking. So, there's no point of trying to counter your words. You may be more fluent than me and i might end up being shamed by your words vice versa. I shall not embarass myself. I shall just keep quiet. I can LAN JIAO WEI about you but i won't. Cause if i do, i am stooping down to your level. Remember this, Wandi is an adult but Sri is a kid. Its sad to say that despite sharing the same age as my classmates, you don't share the same maturity level as them. To me, you are still a 15 year old girl playing gossiping games.

***I know this post sounds like a defence statement but its not one. Its never meant to be. This post is just to clarify that i did not do what she said. Yes, i was guilty of 323 by dangerous means but i never hit her with a helmet. A helmet is too sacred a headgear to hit such an awful object like her. Helmets shall be treated with respect. They protect your skull in an event of an accident.

To those who believe my words are true, thank you. But then again, remember this, my words may not be true. Remember what i did to Cherry? It COULD COULD happen again. Well, its up to you to believe. I don't need to a convincing job. Sometimes, such situation are a test to friendship. Well, i can rest assured knowing that my friends trust me. I have faith in my friends even if they don't have faith in me. Oh ya, Wandi is a changed. I vow not to result to violence in dealings with women or whoever for that matters.

***One more important thing. The identity of Informer A cannot be revealed. Sorry ah but die die cannot tell you who informer A is. Informer A is an asset who provides me information about assholes who bad mouth me. Thank you very much informer A. I know you will read this and to those who happen to know who is informer A, please do not reveal her name on any part of my blog which includes the tagboard. I have to protect my informer. Please note that exposing my informer is an offence Under the Official Secrets Act, Cap. 213. hahahaha. Hey wait i am serious. Please don't expose my informer.

Good night everyone. Thank you for reading.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you.
Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

-Thank you Shahril for the words of wisdom.

My reincarnation

2009-01-07T01:56:00.005+08:00

So, today went to service my bike. Damage. $88. Then went to town. Oh ya, Shahril got himself a cashcard sia. We were like strolling around Far East Plaza, joking about stuffs and talking to each other instead of looking at stuffs. Well, window shopping was minimal. Later met Amrun at AMK.

Here's where the story of Wandi reincarnation aka Shahril. Talking about road traffic. To those who don't understand road traffic, next post please.

Riding normally to AMK via CTE (SLE) after which we exited at AMK Ave 1.

Traffic was quite dense as it was during the peak hours. Speed 85 - 100 km/h. So, there were a few incidents of near misses and one tail gating driver. I was like brushing off all lousy drivers and just evading them (macam mat rempit eh).

One lousy ass driving a Gold coloured Toyota Camry cut into Ril lane abruptly and when was horned, he played with his brakes. Afterwhich, he tail gated me.

I turned my head 270 degrees to have a good look at the distance he was following as all i saw from my side mirrors were blinding light. He back-off and changed lane.

Shahril was like super-pissed. While waiting for the traffic lights to turn green, Ril was like staring at the driver (the windows were like super-tinted) and gesturing asking the driver what the hell he was trying to do. I was like look at him then aaargh can't be bothered. Hadn't i stop Shahril, i think the driver would get a verbal assault. I was like, "Hey forget it la. Don't entertain these monkeys ah".

So i realised something. I've become very passive on the roads. Last time, cut my lane, i'll stare and scold. Now, just evade. Cannot evade knock him and claim insurance (if i am in the right).

I also realised that Shahril temper on the roads is super volatile. He will not hesitate to confront idiotic drivers. That was Wandi in the past. Now, i am playing the evading game. Shahril turned into Wandi sia. He wasn't like that when he was riding his WR 200.

I was telling Shahril "Hey Ril, my baby 150 (now belongs to Ril) i think got ghost ah. Whoever ride the bike, sure very fierce one. People cut lane only tio scolding".

Errm, is it the machine? Is it the man?

I dunno. All i know is that Shahril is like Wandi when he was riding the CBR 150 RR. Please tone down my friend. Control the anger. As much as i am reminding Ril, i am also reminding myself.

Then we were like, all these asshole motorcyclist who want to race with each other stupid. Motorcyclist already so vulnerable somemore want to race. Form an alliance against lousy drivers more better. Cut our lane we call our gang and bash up the driver. lol.

Wanted to talk about a major issue today but then again. I wanna sleep now. Super tired. Maybe can blog on Thursday.

Was running through my organiser when i stumbled across this qoute from Helen Keller (dunno who is this person lah). Quite meaningful. It will be at the bottom of this post.

One more thing, Jessie thank you for taking leave on my birthday eh. I know its still super far from now but wah touching sia. lol. I promise to make myself free on your birthday. And i didn't forget ok. 6 July 1988. Oh gosh, its a Monday. Maybe should apply LOA. lol. Errmm, i like your foresight eh. Plan ahead ah.

I was talking to Jannah and was like wah Jessie plan very far. Touch wood later i die all plans go down the drain. lol. Ok, now i fear death. Oh ya, if there's a need to reduce the number of humans on earth, oh god please take me instead of Jessie or my friends first. Can't imagine living without a friend or knowing that you've lost a friend.

Life is a roller coaster ride. Yesterday, lowest peak today can be highest peak. But for now, i am like in the middle. So must treasure all these moments in case touch wood if tio accident and die, in hell or heaven i will curse and swear if i never treasure the moments. lol.

For now, good night everyone. Thank you for reading.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength unfeatable.

- Helen Keller

Occurence

2009-01-07T01:27:00.004+08:00

Today was informed by Hairin that he and Jannah heard whatever i was talking to Ah Hong at work on Monday. I accidentally pressed the redial button on my bluetooth headset. And yeah, this bluetooth headset is giving me more problems then solving.

What happened?

I was like disturbing Ah Hong touching him intimately here and there (gay boy acts). Here are the few things i remembered.

Hong asking me to go Geylang if i need to satisfy my desires.

I was like... Where got fun??? Must pay ley. Fuck prostitute where got nice?

I was like "Hey hong, become gay with me ah... girl dun want me already ley. Nowadays real girls hard to find. All become lesbian la what la. So we become gay la."

Hong was like f ing here and there.

I talked a lot of stuffs but forgot what i said.

But well, life is like very weird. Lesbians, gays and bisexual people. Can't they just have one sexual orientation. Need to make more lesbian, gay and bisexual friends to understand these people.

I know Jannah, Hairin and a few others were laughing at me right. Knn ccb. Intrude my privacy. Its ok. Aku clown pe... Hahaha.

Next topic.

Pictures speak a thousand words...

2009-01-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

Pictures time :)

Men and their late night outings

Far East Plaza carpark bridge (One of the rare NOT late night outing)

Fort Canning last weekend

Like mermaid sia this pose

Nice background

Esplanade before New Year (if not wrong)

Enough of the 3 musketeers and their late night outings. Machine Time

AMK Multi Purpose Hall

Last week bike washing session

A message in a bottle... no no no its a message on my blog

2009-01-05T01:18:00.003+08:00

Supposed to sleep but nvm its ok. Need to get this message across first before sleeping.

As usual, Wandi like to digress. Firstly, work suck. Intend to go to Simon Road for an interview tomorrow after school. Secondly, life suck. Too many things to pay and to little time to spend with Jessie, friends, family let alone find another girl.

Let me see, Cherry used to write her feelings out in the form of a letter. Sri talked things out. And now, something new to me. Jessie is blogging her feelings. Well, at least you don't keep it to yourself and i get to know whats in you.

Back to the topic.

Errrm, how should i start...

My phone had been 'silent' the whole day. Everytime it rings, i am hoping that it would be a message or call from you but sad to say, it never happened. Wishful thinking again.

Somehow, i just hope that you are able to let go of the past and start on a fresh page. The past affects how people behave in the future. Remembered when you said "Why you like to talk about the past?" I talk about the past to remind myself that i shouldn't do things i've did. Its ok if you do not wish to talk about the past. However, don't sweep the past under the carpet and let it ruin your future. Just like you, i am no angel. We, as humans, will never be perfect and there's always a tendency of us to make mistakes. The important thing is that we shall learn from our mistakes and ensure that it doesn't recur. We should try to make sure that history doesn't repeat itself. If you let the past influence your decisions and actions in the future, it means that you have not let go of the past. Of course, such things are easier said than done. I hope that you are able to let go of it as time pass. Life is full of challenges. Its either we overcome the challenges or the challenges would overcome us. Hadn't i overcome the great depression after Cherry left me, i doubt i would meet you. If there's one thing i want to thank god, it would be to allow me to continue walking this earth that i've walked far enough to meet you.

There's no need for you to apologize to me. I don't believe in one party being fully responsible when things go wrong. The same road traffic principles applies in life too. In a quarrel, its a matter of two parties acting negligently. I believe i was being unreasonable by expecting this and that from you. On the other hand, i feel that you are taking things a bit too lightly. Actions speaks louder than words. I wonder if my actions had sent the wrong message. If Wandi is the cause for the violation letter, i am sorry.

I never get bored of meeting you. In fact, i always look forward to meeting you even if it means that i am sleeping on my bike on the way to meet you. Its ok, as long as i get to meet you. The only thing that matters is that we enjoy the time we spend together. There's no point in meeting if both of us are pulling long faces and thats the reason why i said that you shouldn't expect me to be a taxi driver and ferry you around. So far, you've been a good girl and not demand transport but Wandi being a contradicting person always go back on his words. When its love you give, naturally i'll be a taxi driver. Thats the reason why my baby FBB registered CBR 150 travelled almost 40k km in less than 1.5 years. Pasir Ris, Temasek Secondary, Tampines and Changi Airport. If we get together, the tires of my baby Revo can look forward to kissing the tar of Bukit Batok and Choa Chu Kang very often. It used to be the East Side Roads. If things goes the way i want it to be, it would be the Roads of the West Side.

I know that i've sorrying here sorrying there. Please know that when i say something i mean it. I don't say for the sake of saying it or to make you happy. I try avoid using sorry as much as possible as i don't want to sorry to sound like hi or bye but if i've done something wrong, its only right for me to apologize. I'm not saying sorry for the things i didn't do wrong. I know i did something wrong thats why i am saying sorry. Just like you, a man like me is very egoistic but i've learnt to put my ego aside when situation calls for. I may be breathing oxygen for 21 years, seen a lot of things, heard a lot of things, did a lot of things but i don't know everthing. I am not god. So i believe that there are times when i need to bow my head down and let others show me the things i've not seen. Even if it means that i should learn from those who are younger than me, i will bow down and learn from them. Nobody knows everything. If they do, they are god. I am certainly not god or no where near that.

Its ok if you hate me. As far as i'm concerned you have not done anything wrong, thus there's no reason for me to hate you. I don't believe in making enemies. I love making friends. Its just part of me. To find another girl, i doubt i will do it in the near future. To wait for someone to come to me, i think thats more like it. Lets face it, i am squeezing time for personal tasks like visiting my mum, granny and to spend time with my friends. So i doubt, i will start another search. If you leave me, i will resume my wait. If letting go of this friendship will make you happy, please do so. I am not encouraging you to do so but i don't want to hold you back and let you suffer silently. In fact, i don't want you to go but if its for your happiness, i will let you go willingly. On my part, i am hoping that we will mend our ways so that we can continue enjoying each others company like before.

Lately, i've been having fetish about death. Just like how its so cool to die by bleeding from the mouth. Don't you think it would be cool if this post end with the words "By the time you read this, i would be gone. Take care of yourself and enjoy life. I'll be looking after you from up above". For now, that statement would only be in my mind.

I'll still be waiting for your calls and smses. Hopefully, i don't have to wait long.

Its time to call it a day. Good night. Thank you for reading.

Relationships and Wandi

2009-01-03T02:03:00.003+08:00

I'm still not done.

Time to talk about matters of the heart.

Lets face it. Good friends and women are on the verge of extinction if not extinct. BGR back then was about true love. BGR today, 90% not 100% of the times is about money. Back then, women look for men who can stand by them in times of need, men with ethics, men who are caring and etc. I have an aunt whose husband earns less than 1k and she's not working. She's struggling financially but she's happy with him and they have 3 kids and are still together. Today such Romeo and Juliet stories don't happen. Even if they do, its super rare. Now, women look for men who are having a stable income, stable this stable that. All about money. Of course, i don't want to be cash strapped when i have a wife. Its not part of my plans.

I will not rule out the fact that in money is important in life. Many of you will by now know that i treasure money but then not everything is about money. When it comes to matters of the heart, money aside.

Thats the women side. Now, the men side.

Women look for money man. Man without a doubt look for women with looks. Sometimes, i don't understand. Big boobs and big butt thats what men like. Pretty la size d bra cup la XXXL g-string la. Men's interest. Well to me, big boobs+beautiful face+big ass = big ego+small heart+brains. Most of the time though. Not all the times. But i never fall in the group of 'not all the times'.

Can't we just forgo all these physical appearance and monetary factors and start considering things like understanding, care, concern, love, compromise and most important thing HONESTY and TRANSPARENCY?

So what am i looking for in a women?
Put looks aside. What i need is someone that can shower me with love, care, concern. Show me that you are honest and of course, being transparent in all dealings.

The last time god sent me such a girl, i decided to be bastard.

I know Jessie will always say "Why you like to talk about the past?".

The reason i am talking about my past now is because i just feel like drowning myself in sorrow and hopefully die soon. Life's so sucky now. View my life on an oscilloscope now and you will see that i am at the lowest peak. Life suck for now. All other times, i try to learn from the past when i am talking about the past.

And yeah, when i was with Cherry i was like a super jerk. I will not think twice about laying my hands on her. Give her a verbal diarhorrea. Instruct her to do things that are unthinkable. And now, when she's gone, Wandi was like weeping. Sianzzz. No used crying over spilled milk but then whatever valuable lessons i've learnt from this relationship, i'll try to apply in the next.

So in the next relationship that was with Sri, i tried to be a little bit more democratic. Listen, advice, become a taxi driver, compromise, spend a little bit on her but then still failed. What went wrong? Ask Sri.

After this few failed relationships, i think its not the women, its Wandi. There's something i need to do. I wonder what i can do to improve things.

Digress a bit. Few weeks back, my mum was like "Why you like to make friends with Chinese girls ah? Malay girls not pretty ah? Malays girls not educated ah? Malay girls not good enough is it?". So i was like "No la, make friends only what". Errrmm, sometimes i wonder too why i go for Chinese girls. Let me remind you, its nothing to do with the colour. So far, i've yet to have an ang moh girlfriend. Melayu, Indian, China. Complete. One each.

Back to the topic, all i'm asking for is someone who can understand me, show me love, care, concern, support me when i'm down and of course be HONEST and transparent with all your words. Things like colour, appearance, status, background, i don't give a fuck. Send me a prostitute with all these values i asked for, i will TRY to accept her. Put all history behind and move on. Nonetheless, learn from history. AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH?

Send me a gorgeous slut who can't treat me well or treat me like a dog, i will start the dissappearing act. Just like what i did to Salmia, the girl i knew at SSDC. I need a girlfriend but i am not desperate for one. If i feel that i can't cope with you, then bye bye. I still got my super four to hug every morning and night. Its ok. Life is hard without a companion but i won't die without a companion.

For now, the search continues. Someone something please end it soon. 2 ways to end it. Happily or sadly.

I wonder why when you expect something you don't get it. You put in so much effort and hope for something good, then what you get is nonsense. This applies to life generally and not only relationship. So i think i shouldn't expect it. I should just let it come normally. Take things slowly. Sigh. I'm starting to be an asshole again. I'm sorry if i've offended you lately.

Digress abit again. I was telling my classmates that actually this girl from my course called Pauline is a good girl. When i was crazy over her, she start giving me the 'Fuck tup attitude' act. I guess it was a good thing. Now, I've learnt to cope with things. Its better than getting lead on then when its too serious, the other party bails out. That just suck. You will feel super crappy. Errmm, so it was a blessing in disguise.

Digress a bit believe it or not, just now i went to Bugis. I wanted to go to town but Shahril the racer got no cashcard so we decided to go to Bugis so that we could 'escape' ERP. I WAS LIKE SUPER LOST. I'm like a stranger in town. Then, we were like strolling at Parco and Bugis Village. Somehow, i got no mood to look at chocolates. Lately, i've been having this nonchalant attitude towards women. I don't enjoy looking at chocolates anymore. Not as much as last time. Don't get me wrong, i'm not turning gay.

AND YEAH, I NEED TO TYPE THIS IN CAPS.

DON'T EVER FUCKING GO TO BUGIS OR TOWN AREA WITHOUT A FUCKING CASHCARD. I WAS TURNING ROUND AND ROUND BUGIS AREA TO FIND A PARKING PLACE WITHOUT HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE GANTRY THANKS TO SHAHRIL. SUPER FOUR PETROL VERY EXPENSIVE LEY!!! NVM, BROTHERS PUNYA PASAL I FORGIVE YOU THIS TIME ROUND BUT NO SECOND TIME. <----Shahril if you read this, please take note. Shahril said "Card ada, cash takde". Very funny eh.

Time to call it day.

For all those who have been reading since 2008, thank you for the continous support. Good night everyone.

How to be a better man? Someone please advice.