Just a stopover?

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Its been sometime since i've blogged. Well, since i have no other form of letting out my feelings, the only way is here. Praise be to Allah, for making this channel of communication still available.

Just a stopover... Its so ironic that a man that doesn't love a women initially is like begging for her love now. Its seems like every advance i try to make is being rejected. I'm heartbroken and confused. I don't know if i should pursue this any further or not. Maybe i shouldn't. Maybe i should just focus on the things i had been doing when i was single.

From the picture you've painted to me, it seems that your personal problems, pressure at work, pressure from me resulted in this. I do agree that initially at the moment of pure sadness, i asked for a time off but then again, something inside me is like telling me no time off. Perhaps maybe we should go through all thick and thin together. To me its either i am with you supporting you or we just go on our own paths. I am rather impatient but i just hate waiting and its like so depressing now. I do admit that i've made a lot of mistakes and i sincerely apologize for that.

However, i am not getting the response i want. Maybe i had been giving you a tough time and yeah, perhaps i should loosen up and let go of things. Perhaps, this would allow you to make wiser decision. Maybe there are blessings behind this. For sure that it will make me sad, perhaps for one day, two days, one month, two months but Insyallah, Allah will show me the wisdom as what the Quran says in Chapter 2:216

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not".

Sometimes, your actions showed that you really don't care about me at all. Not a single bit. Sometimes you are just so lovely. I'm confused, my heart is shattered and i got no might to carry on with my daily life. Please Lord, give me the strength. I wonder how much effort you put in trying to make me happy and understand my feelings. I may be as tough as i seem. Every man there's a weakness. And its a open secret that everyone knows that men greatest weakness is women.

I don't know if i've done my best but i hope i had. If i hadn't then i hope that i will. If i had done my best, i surrender my will to him. The verse below (2:117) explains it

"To Him is due the primal origin of the heavens and the earth: When He decreeth a matter, He saith to it: "Be," and it is.

Many a times, the biggest challenged that is posed to me is matters of the heart. Not the first time, though i hope it would be the last. There are just too many things making this situation complicated and tough one to handle but i am sure if you put the trust in me and willing to give it all, then rest assured i'll be there for you. I am sure we can do it together but then again maybe i shouldn't be pinning too much hopes.

Now, this is one of the toughest challenge i have to face. Added to that, i still have matters of work, matters of school and now matters of the heart. Nonetheless, as what is said in Quran 2:286

"On no soul doth God Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

Deep down, i am confident that i will get out of this mess. Its just a matter of time. Like what the army says "Tough times don't last, tough men do". Insyallah, i'll be part of the tough men.

Keep telling yourself Wandi "40 days, 40 days, 40 days". Thats approximately how much time i have before a new chapter of life begins. Please Lord, give me the strength and courage to succeed in whatever i do.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.