It saddens me to know that someone i left is going through a much bigger problem.
As much as i've tried to hold it back, it just fell. Just like that without me being able to control the flow. A man who claims he will never cry is not strong. He's either lying to you or just being too egoistic. Its rubbish to say no human being has a soft spot. Well, those who know me know where is my weakness. Children, tears and God knows them. Seeing children get mistreated just makes me feel very sad. I'm reminded of me when i was young. Deprived of care, concern, love and affection. Thats the reason for the broken family bond.
As i've said, if i don't love you, we wouldn't have gone this far. I really love, care and want to be with you. However, seeing at our state, i think its advisable we go our own ways. Lets face this fact, we have been leading a rocky relationship for the past 9 months. I said this before and i'll say it again, i don't want my kids to lead a life like mine. Seeing children who are deprived of love just saddens me and give me a sense of hatred towards the adult that mistreat them. I don't want them to lead a life without a mother or father by their side. I don't want them to take a family picture with either one or us not around. I don't want them to go home everyday only seeing one of us. I don't want to tell them that they are deprived of love like how my mum breaks down whenever she speaks about me.
If death do us part, i'll accept it. Its God will and i can't control it but most of the time, separation is not by death. Separation is by divorce. I've seen it, heard about it and gone through it. I know the feeling and psychological effect that it will have on a child. I was one of them. Its not good. Open up your vision and look around. Those juvenile delinquents come from a home like mine. I am thanking God for making me realise early.
We need love, both of us as we've been deprived of it. Me at the age of 6 and you in your secondary school. At the same time, we both need to learn to listen, talk properly and control our emotions. I don't know if giving ourselves another chance will help. I really miss you. At the same time, i am really concerned for your future and my kids future if i have them. I couldn't care less about my happiness. All i want is good health so that i can study and work to raise a happy family not broken family. I know you are a smart girl. You can do it.
About your health, you need not worry about it. My eyes feel very heavy whenever i think about this or read your sms. In my prayers, i always pray that He take me first if He have to and give that lease of life to you. I hope he answer my prayers. I really lose you as my girlfriend as its my choice. If it really happens, I hope he give me the choice to rent my life to you. I just want you to be successful and happy. Its for your own good. Not mine. I'll be happy in the after world to see a successful Jessie.
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