Two Chapter Ended at one go

This father and son saga started and ended in tears. Sr. broke down during the mediation and Jr. broke down too.

The roads tell a thousand stories. Central Expressway towards Braddell Road, 95 km/h. The tears just flowed like a tap with no stop. The Oakley shades are hiding the tears just like how my cheerful personality always the troubles in my life. Everything seemed normal on the surface.

At this speed, i felt like everything is so slow. Like everything was moving in slow motion. Overtaking was so tough and Bishan seemed so far away. Back to the courtroom, the atmosphere was tense. There was no emotions running but things were different when everything was done. I just went home and sleep hoping to sleep the sadness away but then, 22 years of hurt is never easy to forget. What i am today, how i behave now and treat people is a creation of my parents. The upbringing was so poor that now, i am in this state. But then its ok, i thank Him for making me realise my mistake early. Now, i am trying to mend my ways but there are some things that are just so hard to control.

At work, I was in no form to work. Everytime i hit the roads to send order, my eyes will get heavy. I can't let my emotions get over me thus i hold back my tears and until today, whenever i think about what had happened, my eyes get heavy. Just like how it showered on Friday, it feels like i am having showers of tears. When i tried to get people to talk to, everyone seemed occupied. Well, i don't blame them as i know, everyone have their own commitments. Thus, i've a choice. I shall seek solace by being alone and i'll try to keep my faith strong.

I felt so sad that this have to happen. I'm not sad because i only managed to get $200/mth. I felt so sad that i have to bring my own flesh and blood to court just to get money. Like i've said before, its no fun to face your own dad in court. You never showed you cared but when the dust settles, you still came to have a chat with me. Are you trying to infer that you still care? I felt so sad that you are playing this psychological game with me. Why do you have to forsake my happiness for your own? Are you being a responsible father?

At home, my mum will break down everytime she says "You are different, you are deprived of love". The last time she did that was in front of Jessie and Tasha. The emotional hurt you and mum had done to me is beyond repair. Nonetheless, she is trying to make an effort to redeem herself but how about you? Well, maybe you are happy with the judgement and maybe you think you have done your part by giving me a place in poly, my license, laptop and the $700 downpayment for CBR. I am not there to fight for money. I am here in court to make you realise your responsibilities as a father. Well of course its good to have spare cash coming. I am there to make you realise what you have and have not done. Whether you have or not realise, its ok. I did not regret, not a single bit for what i have done but i feel hurt that this have to happen. Nonetheless, my prayers are still with you even if i don't attend your funeral.

All these troubles lead to another trouble. Sometimes i wonder if its my upbringing that makes me into such a person or just me, myself and i. As much as i try to control my temper, there are times when i just can't hold it back. I know my words and actions have hurt you a lot. I am sorry. I am not asking for us to get back together or anything. I am not asking for sympathy. All i am asking for is you to take care of yourself and please work hard, study hard. Don't ruin your life.

This is going to be the toughest stage i guess. I feel like no challenge have been this great. I am no complaining though. For every problem He give, He also provide a solution. In time, i will get that solution. Maybe this is His way of showing us that we are not fated. Maybe He is preventing us to be another part of the divorce statistic. I know you are fired up and hate me now for what i've done and said. Its ok. As i've said, i don't blame you. I am just sorry. Please take care of yourself.

It seems like from young i can never get people to treat me nicely. Or is it that i am just too fussy. Whatever it is, i am going through the toughest of all challenge i've face in my life which affects my inner self. I will just take myself to a quiet place and be alone. I'll just return to my old ways of work and school. Life has just entered another old stage. For now, just to keep to myself. I just want to be alone.