Whats the meaning of life?

Its been 8 days since the last post. Well, the silence is due to the fact that i am losing mood for everything which includes riding my baby Super Four, working, going out and i am not even looking forward to go to school tomorrow. Fuck this life man. Life just suck. I know its been sometime since i've said life suck but then this life really really suck for now.

Life is getting bad to worse. Cigarettes back to square one. Physically i am not fully charged, despite the so called holidays, i am not resting. Work, i am like no more with Pizza Hut. School begins tomorrow and yeah leadership project proposal dateline is wednesday before 1200 hrs. No fucking progress at all. Seems like everyone including me is not interested in the project. We are all more interested in our own lives. Well, who gives a fuck about school or anything else for that matters.

And CDS choices suck. Just like the lecturers. What the fuck subjects are they offering us? Totally crappy. They should offer subjects like understanding women or maybe understanding life instead of crap like understanding theatre. Omg, what the fuck is wrong with the school, giving us so fucking lame choices. Crap!

I realise that when you put in 110% effort in something, you expect a good outcome and when it turns out fucking crap, your life just turn fucking down. The whole fucking world is just like crumbling on you. I'm just fucking bored when you try your best in something then you reap no rewards. All you get is surface enthusiastic results.

So now, i think i shall just take this stance. Don't do your best. Like what i've learnt in the Leadership. Take the pragmatic approach. Give in the minimal or what is just needed so that i won't be so hopeful of outstanding results.

At work, i came to work on time and did everything that was needed and what did i get? Late payments. On top of that, i was even scolded by the Restaurant Manager and told to FUCK off. Sheesh, gangsters and their lack of professionalism. It seems that all these rider jobs are full of gangsters. Its just a matter of time before i turn into one. Well, who gives a fuck? I don't.

I recall telling Jessie that its my challenge to make you give a 110% if we get together. Its not that often that Wandi says "I take back my words" but for now, i think i have to.

I've lost confidence in my own self and my own life. I am just running through the motions of this fucking crappy life. That applies to everything.

I've lost confidence in work, study, relationship and that lovely Super Four of mine. I don't know what got into me but i just wish i have the guts to slice my throat. Its ok to die just like that. I don't have a kid a wife or any anyone to support. Sigh. this fucking life. But first, pay off Shahril and Amrun cash. To die off without paying off my debts is just being irresponsible and thats not Wandi. Die responsibly.

I dunno if its the failed attempts to seek a significant other, work, study or money. Or are all these failures making me give up? I ask myself again. Fuck this life man. All the crap are coming to me at once. I can't take it.

At this point, i ask myself, "What is the meaning of life when things you enjoy doing are no longer enjoyable?".

I don't want to die or end my life too early. There are still loads of things that i've yet to do but then i got no might to carry on life happily. Like i've said, i'm just running through the motions.

And of course, the pretence will continue. No one will see a sad Wandi. You can hear and/or read about my rants of a sucky life but to see me crying or just being sad, i think it won't happen. Its not easy. Worse case scenario, you'll see Wandi lying in bed motionless. I am a good pretender but lousy at expressing sadness in public. Thats just Wandi.

Good night everyone. Thank you for reading this post full of F language and for now enough of ranting about this fucking sucky life.

Beat the clock or get beaten by the clock

Time tells stories. Good, bad, ugly, sad and happy tales. Tough men stand the test of time.

And for the whole day, i was like sending orders with only 3 songs in my ears. All for one All for love, Always and I Live My Live For You. There are reasons why i chose these songs. On top of 3 songs, i was like running at only 60-70 km/h until dinner peak. Imagine this, Wandi being a man who loves high speeds and corners travelling at 60??? Omg, there must be something wrong. But then, despite going slow, i still 'terjun' at corners. Haha, corners just give me the thrill. Well, not with Jessie or whoever behind me of course. Pizzas can be overturned and messed up for all i care but losing a pillion because of a corner is a no no.

The great depression is slowly but surely setting in again after being gone for years. I'm not sure if i can stand the test of time this time round.

Firstly, its like i am dragging my feet to work. If i am still riding my baby 150, i will just take a long needed break. But then, thanks to baby Super Four, i can't take a break. Work is getting sucky as the clock tick. Pay was delayed, cash short, asshole playing my docket and of course not forgetting that asshole MR KNOW IT ALL trying to act smart and rule the shop. Well, do as you like. You will work for Pizza Hut until you die but i won't. If money can buy a good rest for me, i will work hard and buy it. I need a break for god sake. If i'm not working, i'm studying. When was the last time i had a day off without having work, school or anything to settle. A time where i can just sleep the whole day. I can't recall.

So Jessie gave me a word of advice. And thats to go through all these crap no matter what happened. Thanks for the advice. At the end of the day, its the money i want and nothing else. After much thought and consideration, yeah i think i will stay. First, its because of the money. Second, if i leave, its like saying "I give up". Ok, i'll make sure that asshole leave instead of me. Woo, thats the greatest pleasure i will have. I will try to stand the test of time. Army slogan "Tough times don't last, tough men do". Yeah, keep that in mind please Wandi.

So, i was like damn slow rider until the dinner peak. When the sun set, the devil Wandi wakes up. I was zip-zapping the streets and weaving in and out cars like nobody business. Speeding all the way. And not forgetting, slip road of Kallang Bahru and Bendemeer, thats where Pizza Hut boys rule. Thats where we bank for corner like there's no more corners. In short, during dinner peak, Wandi was reckless. Control control control please.

When i feel down, the words accident and death are momentarily erased out of my dictionary. Disregarding safety, i do what i want and as i like. I have a feeling Jessie will be mad at me after reading this post.... Ermmm, shall i stop bloggin about this?? Aaargh, maybe not. And yeah, back to the story, somehow when i feel down and i tend do crazy stuffs, but then again i feel like there's an angel keeping watch over me. Whoever or whatever that angel that keeps me alive and riding till now, thank you. I know i shouldn't take life for granted but sometimes i feel so fucked tup in life. Nothing seems to go as planned. Be it work, relationship, school and etc. Maybe its just Wandi that suck. Yeah, i think i suck man!!!

I don't know how long i can stand the test of time. I hope long enough to get what i want. And the weird thing about life is that when you are sad and pray for death, it doesn't come but when you are happy, it comes. Sigh.

Ermmm, before i end this post, i would like to of course thank whoever and/or whatever that is still keeping me alive and of course giving me the might to go to work and school everyday. Thank you for keeping me alive despite all these crap.

And i shall not take road safety for granted. I hope i won't. I shall learn to treasure life once again.

Oh ya, mum called few days back when i was having reservist. She was like crying and telling me that she missed me. I bet she just finished reading the news about the Pizza boy who died. She gets super paranoid when she reads about road accidents or when someone dies. The same thing happened when her friend son passed away after being stabbed at a bike shop. Oh gosh, I feel so bad. I only go there to collect money and not willingly visit her. Sigh, bad son, bad friend, bad student, bad worker. Wandi suck!!! I'm sorry mummy. I know i've not been a filial son.

Sometimes, I dunno whats wrong with me. I just want to have someone who i can fall back on but Wandi without fail always screw it up. Screwed up Wandi. Oh gosh, i feel like getting on my baby now and just killing myself on my bike.

I don't know how long i can go on like this. If i can't continue, i think i shall leave earth on my super four. Well, at least i get to bring my super four along to heaven or hell for that matters.

For now, live have to go on. I am not praying for death or an accident. I don't wish for bad things to happen despite them happening. I am praying for things to go as planned. I am praying to get what i want. I don't know if i can get it. God oh god, please give me what i want.

Gotta call it day. Working again tomorrow. And the target for tomorrow is 23 orders. If you are staying within 5km of Kallang Pizza Hut, please please please call Pizza Hut. I need to send more orders and earn docket.

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

I hope i don't get beaten by the clock. Please give me faith and might to stand the test of time. Please keep me alive.

The Good and the bad

And so today morning, before reporting for reservist, Wandi went to have breakfast with Jessie at errrmmm where is that place... oh ya Bukit Batok. It seems that Singapore is so small. Middle to end in like 20 minutes. And yeah, if things continue this way and i hope it does, the West side roads will be at the back of my head in no time.

Went for reservist. Dissapointment. Was rejected because of my some tiny patches of tinted hair at the back of my head which i forget to dye. Ok, thats bad. Now, i got plan b for future recall orders. But then again, managed to catch up with my friends... And of course, not forgetting, pictures oh pictures.

So, despite being rejected, i think today is like a good day especially the breakfast part. hahaha... thats of course, not taking into consideration that i only had 4 hours of sleep... but its still worth it :)

Welcome to Echo Division

First and most important visit, Division Traffic Patrol Unit Office

Errm, i should consider a career in Traffic :)

Next victim, armoury

Duty armourer

My old desk. Old gosh, its in a mess

HTA and the boys

Changing room... :)

The target which i never get to shoot...

When duty calls. lol...

And so, my hair is like black in colour again. Going back for reservist tomorrow. Wohoo... So excited? lol... I miss 'E' division. hahaha... After like almost a year, i'll be back in uniform. And Wandi was like cam-whoring with his uniform :) Please let me shoot that bloody target good and get $200... :)

At your service :)

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

I dunno

Well i wonder what am i doing blogging now. I am like supposed to be sleeping now.

Oh gosh, lately there's just something dangling at the back of my head that cause me to have restless nights and i always don't feel good when i have to wake up early. Especially when i have 12 hour day ahead of me.

And if thats bad enough, something bad just happened again few moments ago. I'm sorry...

Now, i don't know where to start. Gosh, i'm still hard trying to do my best for everything...

Good morning people.... Thank you for reading.

Sianzzz....

Reading this post on STOMP sent shivers down my spine.

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/viewContent.jsp?id=46345

But then again, no one owes me a living. I've gotta sweat for my own survival. Furthermore, if i go, i'm not leaving anyone who is dependant on me. So i think it should be alright :) And yeah, even if i have to go, i will pay off my friends debts first.

I'm still trying hard to hold that principle that live doesn't suck :)

Nights everyone. Thank you for reading.

Back to square one

Its been sometime...

First and foremost, my gold chain snapped. $25 to solder back the chain. Oh gosh, moral of the story, i will take out the chain when i am sleeping.

Secondly, i am once again powered by Redbull. 4 1/2 hours of sleep on Thursday night and 5 1/2 hours of sleep yesterday. The only thing that kept me running was Redbull. Well, the recommended consumption is 3 cans/day. I am not exceeding. In fact, i am only drinking 2 cans/day. So its still ok.... Life is getting tough again. I love exam periods. I can have good rest despite exam stress but now, back to short hours of sleep again.

Errmm, everytime i have the urge to utter 'Life sucks', i think Super Four, think new exhaust system (mauriwaki or GPR???), think thicker gold chain, think of branded goods (lol) and LIFE ROCKS!!! hahaha...

Thirdly, the politics at work is getting more complicated. Now, i don't know who can be trusted. But i don't really care actually. Come to work on time and get my pay on time. I think my life is also so stressful and i should not add anymore unnecessary stress. I will snap in no time if i do. And i am losing confidence in Pizza Hut management because of my pay. Rumours are that we will get our pay late. And that doesn't sound good. Especially when i have my credit bill, hp bill, gold chain, installment and an endless list of things to pay. Well, pay late or short, i will seek redress. I think its time i start drafting an email that i might send to MOM or maybe i should have a template. hehehe. And yeah, rescued Ramdan at Upper Boon Keng today. He ran out of petrol while sending orders. Silly him. lol...

The tin that carried 2.5 litres or so of petrol to rescue Ramdan

And yeah, Thursday night met... I asked god to send me an angel but instead i was given a minah rep. lol. Let me caution you that the minah rep god sent me is no ordinary minah rep you can find on the streets of Orchard Road or the Geylang lorongs. This is one rare breed of minah. Ok i think i should stop calling her minah rep. I'm super confident that she will read this anytime. I'm not sure if its too early to say this but i think (let me emphasize that when it comes to such things, i rarely say i think. I prefer the words "I'm sure") i've found someone whom i can relate to. I enjoy her company. I'm not sure if its a vice versa thingy. I hope she enjoyed my company. And Jessie is her name. Despite having to 'Tour de Choa Chu Kang"(thats what i tell my rider friends when i was meeting her), its ok. And yeah, JANNAH THIS IS NOT REMOTE CONTROL!!!. lol. Despite all the hassle, i guess it's kinda worth it. I travelled almost 100km the first time i met her. CCK, Thomson, Town, AMK, CCK and back home.

Errm, i am sorry Jessie that i was running at 130 km/h on KJE when i sent you home. I was tired and tired Wandi cannot ride slow. If i do that, i will be on the left lane travelling at 60/70 km/h taking forty winks. I know i was speeding but i wasn't reckless. hahaha... I know its very irresponsible of me to speed but oh gosh 20 years of experience so worries about safety, now i'm having second thoughts of going second link with you. But then again, i remember telling Shahril "Ride fast but ride safely". Till now, i still hold the principle of "Speeding don't kill, recklessness do". Well well well... To go or not to go... Thats the question now.

So all this talk about Jessie, i think God sent me angel. Hahahaha... Thats the reason for the song by Scorpions :) Well, i know its too early to say this but i personally feel that its ok to praise people on first sight rather than critisize. And believe it or not, i was searching this Malay jiwang song, Nadya, from all my MAT ROCKERS friends. I couldn't find it but i've found it on Jessie mobile. Oh gosh, this girl got more Malay songs than Chinese songs in her mobile. Beyond belief. I'm impressed.

Hehehe... thats the tired Jessie after work at AMK Park Mccafe

Finally, i think i am trying to hard to please people around me. Be it Jessie, the band of the brothers, school mates or colleagues. I try to be and do everything. I know i can be irritating. I'm sorry. I try my best to make others happy but there are times i fail. Bon Jovi said this in the songs Always "When you say your prayers, try to understand, i make mistakes, i'm just a man". So please pardon Wandi if i've done anything to irritate or anger you. Now, the question is, am i making myself happy??? I dunno... But others before self i guess.

Hey wait!!!! I forget one thing, finally Shahril took out my old bike... Finally, i get to see my old love... FBB 3713 Y. She was mistreated by the shop. She was covered with dust. I hate bike shops. They don't treat bikes with respect. Bikes also got feelings so they must be treated with respect and love. Ahh, finally, i got to see and ride my bumble bee. Miss her so much... Now she's gotta go with Shahril... Wanna cry liao...

My baby and her new owner, Shahril (Shahril aka the racer who Corner Sampai (until) scrap footrest)

.............. Ok, will wrap up this post with some random pics.

Hairin carrying 'Madam' food at ITAS after FACOM paper. This is what happened when men are being controlled by a remote control. hahaha... Muhaimin (left) learning his footstep as he will join the gang of 'men who kena remote control' soon. Hahahaha.

New love and first love. CB 400 Revo (left) and CBR 150 RR (right)

CBR 150 RR. Still as gorgeous

Whenever i look at the pics below, i get angry. Cause the bike shop had mistreated my first love. Knn ccb bike shop.

Dirt all over the pipe

AND THE TANK!!!

AND THE HEADLIGHTS!!!

2/3 band of the brothers. The other one busy working. Alamak, tak jiwa ah... lol... Work comes first.

Good night everyone. Thank you for reading this super wordy post. Time to zzzzzz. Working at 1100 hrs. And whomever i mentioned in the post, don't be angry ah... Joking only. Especially to Madam Jannah :)

Free time free time

And yeah, i kinda love this exam period. Despite having to crack my brains, i have a lot of time for myself. Lately, have been catching up with the boys, 'studying' and running through youtube for vids. Oh gosh, take a look at the vid below... I am just in love with the song "All for love". Such a meaningful song :)


hehehehe... the playing a fool version

The Orchestra Version with Pavarotti

The 3 musketeers decided to be a 'good' boy for a while so we decided to visit the mosque for a prayer session thanks to BROTHER AMRUN!!! :)


Hey wait, i thought pictures in threes are not allowed!!!

Looks so cool this pic


After becoming 'good' boys, we decided to become devils and MCCAFE AMK PARK here we come.

Smoking time...

Wan and Ril (the racer :) )

Boys toys again. **This pic was snapped just a few hours before this post. Just came back from McCafe again :)

60A carpark on Hari Raya Haji Eve... So who is the crook? Me or Amrun?

Nights everyone. Thanks for reading. Back to Digital Fundamentals again.

Home Alone

Finally, the whole family had left for Indonesia. I can have some alone time. Peace for the next 2 weeks. During this kind of time, i wished i had a girlfriend so that she will be the last person i see before i sleep and the first person i see when i wake up for the next 2 weeks. But....

Back to harsh reality of life. Term test in 4 days. Leadership individual project dateline after term test. Group project. Installments, debts, hp bill, credit card bills. Oh gosh. Nonetheless...

After Wai Leng death, i've learnt to treasure life no matter how hard i struggle, how much i bleed or sweat to get what i want. At the end of the day, its worth it. Think of those who don't have a chance to live life as long as me. 21 years i walked this earth and only now i've realised that i should treasure life. Thus, no more suicide attempts and etc. Life rocks!!!

And i will try to listen to Hazrin advice. Boss said "Save $1/day. Could help you in times of need". So, i did some maths.

$1/day = $30/month = $90/3mths = 4 bottles of engine oil, 4 Iridium spark plug and oil filter

Worth trying. Saving $1/day, i need not worry about my bike servicing.

And yeah, the guys from my class have turned gay after numerous rejection from women and everyone knows that my class lack of women. That includes me. Look at the pictures below:

Threesome (Me, Hairin and Nabeel)

The gay lovers after FACOM

Ok ok for the record, we are not gays. We are just a bunch of crazy peeps.

Once again, the lift mirror pic

The game i don't understand. G801 boys will understand

Also, I've told someone during an msn chat that Wandi had learnt to live life with the fact that girls that i like don't like me. Its ok :)

Errmm, i still have my darling 1149 with me. She's always a part of me :)

How i wish i can hug her to bed every night :)

For now, i shall sleep. Good night everyone. Thanks for reading. And yeah, thanks Zhisin for tagging and now i know who is imposter :) STOP IT NABEEL!!!! ITS AN OFFENCE!!! muahahahaha....

Machine test

Finished copying Min notes. Just topped up petrol, bought gums and of course a pack of Sampoerna International.

2nd Link is always quiet. Dark and empty roads. Zaki was teaching me how to be a devil just now. On Singapore roads, we were travelling a comfortable 100-110 km/h. Once we crossed the causeway, here comes Zaki the devil. Ok, i ought to be blame also. I always wanted to test my machine. So went in to 2nd link with Zaki and his friend (riding a damn 1000cc machine). Zaki friend was behind guarding our tail. And yeah, Zaki was having fun. Running at 180 km\h. I was struggling behind following him. His friend, riding a 1000cc machine which can go up to 250 km/h easily was just like playing hide and seek with me. Appearing and dissappearing from my rear view mirrors. First time, i am afraid of speed and corners. Zaki was engaging the corner at Nusajaya like Valentino Rossi. I wanted to follow but then my balls were at my throat. Too bad. And i don't say such things often. But for today, safety first. Once i get used to the roads and my machine... hehehehe :)

And so, Wandi was guilty of speeding. But not of local roads of course :) lol. For once, i was kinda afraid of speed (i am like repeating this again and again). Hehehe... And i still got the cheek to say that my CBR 150 RR was slow and having ideas of owning a machine that can reach 299 km/h. Travelling at 180 km/h is no joke baby... The wind was so strong that it was literally pushing my torso backwards. I was full blasting my Mp3 yet all i could hear was the sound of wind. And when i turned back to check 'blindspot', my helmet nearly flew off. Now, i understand the use of a full-face helmet. Should get one soon :) But nonetheless, it was fun. At last, i put the Hyper V-tec to good use. My friends at Pizza were like "Why ride big bike if you only travel at 90km/h?". Sheesh, safety first. lol. And yeah a Super 4 is not a big bike. Not to me of course. A CBR 1000 RR is a big bike :) At 180 km/h, the saying "Speed is nothing without braking, power is nothing without control" comes to my head every second. Thank god, I was still able to control the machine at that speed :) Looking forward to round 2. Hahahahaha.

And yeah, i just love the Malaysian government now. lol. Pump prices dropped to RM1.90/litre. Cigarettes were still cheap and gum, no change in price. The bad part was when i was happily pumping petrol, when i realised that i have no Malaysian cash in hand. Thank god i had a saviour. Spent RM40. Ermmm, thats quite little actually.

Pictures below :)

Empty Petronas kiosk

Malaysia Boleh Petrol

The 'shopping' place

In alphabetical order

Zaki the devil and his trainee. lol

'Can't recall the guy name' and me

Boys toys :)

Study study study

Was so bored that i took nonsense pictures in class. And here they are.



Nabeel the teacher. Trying to be a teacher.

Peeping at the girls group. lol.

Rafi and the boys

Boring eh?

Hazrin left his other half for a new 'blood'. lol.

Hazrin's new blood. lol.

During DFUND.