Fear

Whenever i think of my mum and grandma I just feel so sad. I'm so fearful if I'm not able to repay their kindness.

Leaving it all to Him

I seek refuge from satan the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Sometimes i just feel so sad that it's not within my means to help those who had sacrifice their lives and money for me.

This morning I just feel so sad all of sudden and I broke down while praying.

And sometimes it really saddens me to see people who mistreat the orphans and less abled.

Oh my Lord, please give longevity to those who had me, give me strength and bounty so that I may repay the deeds of those who had helped me.

Oh my Lord, please protect me from getting blind when thou has grant me wealth. Instead my Lord, guard my faith to keep on giving back the poor, to the orphans, to my friends and to those who had helped me especially my grandma and my mum.

Oh my Lord please take not my mum and my grandma before I could repay their kindness.

Oh my Lord, if this world is too tempting for to the ways of evil, please keep my faith strong towards the deen. If my faith is not strong please take me when I'm still in faith.

Oh my Lord, if thou take me away, please protect my family and my loved ones. Guide them to victory both in this world and the hereafter for Thou art the granter of bounties and Thou art the Guardian.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah. The Lord and Cherisher of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Judge not

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

"Judge not that ye not be judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what ye mete, it shall be measured to you again".
KJV Matthew 7:1-2

Tendency are that we judge situation from our perspective without knowing what the other person is going through. Perhaps, we think the other party is just enjoying their life making decisions so easily. Well, i am learning from experience i guess.

"And how canst thou have patience about things about which thy understanding is not complete?".
Quran Al-Kahf:68

Today, i've spoken but i may not be heard. I am sorry to everyone i've offended or hurt. I have no malice intention though i may be selfish. I'm sorry.

Peace be upon you.

Spoken but not heard

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and cherisher of the worlds. Praise be to Allah for the rewards He had given me. Despite the abundance of free time i have, i don't know why i am not blogging and putting my time to good use. I've totally failed my time. Not putting it to good use.

There are a lot of questions ringing in my mind. I am confused whether i am stressed or not. It seems that my hands are free but then i feel so fatigued mentally.

Praise be to Allah that i am contented with my situation and life now. Nonetheless, i've slipped into complancency with the lack of learning. It seems like my life stopped. My thirst for knowledge stopped.

I feel so sinful for failing to fulfill my duties. I've been so sinful lately with my words and actions. It seems like this state of contentment is ruining my life. Omg, please help me. I feel so guilty for not fulfilling everything. I'm like floating nowhere. Confused. Happiness is what i want but then i've become a very laid back and reserved person. No longer the Wandi i used to be. Peace be upon you. May Allah bless us all and guide us to the straight way. Insyallah.

Up Hill, Down Hill

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

I thought things would go smoothly. Then again, a road that has no obstacles probably leads you to nowhere. I thought things were moving on smoothly after that tough time i had. Then again, up hill, down hill.

The test of life comes again in another form. I was just saying it to Fairuz about how would she react if she was confronted by a particular situation. Then God Almighty decided to put my words to the test and He put the test on me. This can be tough but then again...

I'm really sorry if i've hurt anyone out there. No intention to do it on purpose. These are pre-planned. For everything happens with a wisdom and Allah is the best of all planners.

From Him comes guidance, thus i surrender my will to him and seek his guidance. May He provide me with the necessary guidance. Insyallah.

Peace be upon you.

14 days

I wonder why 2 weeks can make me feel so hurt and heartbroken. I really wonder. No words to describe. I pray for things to get better soon. This is tough but i guess i'll survive it. Too much things now in mind.

Just a stopover?

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Its been sometime since i've blogged. Well, since i have no other form of letting out my feelings, the only way is here. Praise be to Allah, for making this channel of communication still available.

Just a stopover... Its so ironic that a man that doesn't love a women initially is like begging for her love now. Its seems like every advance i try to make is being rejected. I'm heartbroken and confused. I don't know if i should pursue this any further or not. Maybe i shouldn't. Maybe i should just focus on the things i had been doing when i was single.

From the picture you've painted to me, it seems that your personal problems, pressure at work, pressure from me resulted in this. I do agree that initially at the moment of pure sadness, i asked for a time off but then again, something inside me is like telling me no time off. Perhaps maybe we should go through all thick and thin together. To me its either i am with you supporting you or we just go on our own paths. I am rather impatient but i just hate waiting and its like so depressing now. I do admit that i've made a lot of mistakes and i sincerely apologize for that.

However, i am not getting the response i want. Maybe i had been giving you a tough time and yeah, perhaps i should loosen up and let go of things. Perhaps, this would allow you to make wiser decision. Maybe there are blessings behind this. For sure that it will make me sad, perhaps for one day, two days, one month, two months but Insyallah, Allah will show me the wisdom as what the Quran says in Chapter 2:216

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not".

Sometimes, your actions showed that you really don't care about me at all. Not a single bit. Sometimes you are just so lovely. I'm confused, my heart is shattered and i got no might to carry on with my daily life. Please Lord, give me the strength. I wonder how much effort you put in trying to make me happy and understand my feelings. I may be as tough as i seem. Every man there's a weakness. And its a open secret that everyone knows that men greatest weakness is women.

I don't know if i've done my best but i hope i had. If i hadn't then i hope that i will. If i had done my best, i surrender my will to him. The verse below (2:117) explains it

"To Him is due the primal origin of the heavens and the earth: When He decreeth a matter, He saith to it: "Be," and it is.

Many a times, the biggest challenged that is posed to me is matters of the heart. Not the first time, though i hope it would be the last. There are just too many things making this situation complicated and tough one to handle but i am sure if you put the trust in me and willing to give it all, then rest assured i'll be there for you. I am sure we can do it together but then again maybe i shouldn't be pinning too much hopes.

Now, this is one of the toughest challenge i have to face. Added to that, i still have matters of work, matters of school and now matters of the heart. Nonetheless, as what is said in Quran 2:286

"On no soul doth God Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

Deep down, i am confident that i will get out of this mess. Its just a matter of time. Like what the army says "Tough times don't last, tough men do". Insyallah, i'll be part of the tough men.

Keep telling yourself Wandi "40 days, 40 days, 40 days". Thats approximately how much time i have before a new chapter of life begins. Please Lord, give me the strength and courage to succeed in whatever i do.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Takbir

I seek refuge from satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

There are a few things that i feel sad when i listen to it.

One, jiwang songs. Well, the purpose of listening such songs are to get dragged.

Two, the takbir. On Hari Raya, i was like lost. Tears all over me at MK. Today, i was like holding back my tears at a mosque in the west of singapore. After Friday prayers, the takbir was like called. I was like so damn sad. I dunno why.

Life, as always had always and i think will continue to be tough. Well, i'm glad i'm still survining. I got nothing else to say but just feel dissappointed and sad. Life oh life.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Publicity stunt

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Well, with reference to the last post. I would like just to clarify that the last post was never a meant to be a defaming post, attention seeking or any negative aspect. It was just a post to let the web hear me. I always need a listening ear. I cannot deprive others of the time that they have to commit with their things thus, i personally feel that blogging is a good way to let your feelings out. Somehow, i feel a bit. a bit better that is after blogging and puffing :) Thats all. If that post had defamed, offended or insult anyone, i am sorry. Never intended to.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

Suspicion and jealousy

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Its really a tough time but i tried to keep whatever Kalimah i know in my heart and on my lips. Insyallah. Oh Lord Almighty, please assist me and ease this stage of life. Please grant me the attributes of those you blessed in going through this stage. This is not the first time, so i should know how to handle this. Once again, all challenges come at once. Tawakkal and sabar is the only thing i can do for tough times don't last but tough men do.

I know that i've hurt others and the torture they have been through or are going through or may go through may not be as much as i am going through now. I don't know for sure what is going but i know You know what is going on and what is best for us for You are the Al-Alim. Please help this weak being of Yours in going through all the challenges he may face.

Its been sometimes since i qouted verses. I feel relevance with this verse from surah An-Nahl, verse 12.

"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it... But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful".
49:12

Despite the challenges i am going through, Alhamdullilah, God Almighty, have granted me wisdom and through this wisdom, my learning journey continues even without my iPhone. Despite all this emotional and financial turmoil that i am going through, i still thank You for whatever good things that you had, have and will give to me. Alhamdullilah.

Today, i feel so bad for committing an offence with regards to the verse qouted above. A glimpse of a girl sitting on a bike just brings back memories sometimes jealousy and suspicion. Whenever there are flashback, my heart just sank. When the flashback fades, i thank Allah for all his signs and giving me the strength to carry on despite thinking i wouldn't be able to make it. Maybe, this could be a sign that we are not meant to be together or maybe this could be a sign that we would learn to appreciate each other more if we got back together. I am not hoping cause i doubt it will happen. Different worlds i guess. It happened to S, C, S and now... Whatever it is, i guess i am just leaving it to fate. I just pray we both get on well and succeed both here and in the afterworld. Insyallah.

I did some spying and content analysis which was fuelled by jealousy and suspicion. Oh God, please remove this undesirable attribute of me. As a result of this, i feel so down now. Tears feel like coming. Insyallah, i will hold them back if i can't, i'll let it go.

This seems to be a fifty fifty issue. Flashback brings tears for all the good things we have put in the relationship. Well, maybe its her contribution and never mine. I guess i never contributed in any relationship. Even if i did, i was not a significant amount or something that cannot be measured compared to the other party contribution. Oh Lord, on this note, please assist me to refrain on talking about my those tings i've done. Good or bad. I only want You to know and not the whole world. I have no intention of being those who You described in surah Al-Maun. For i am only seeking your Rahim.

At times, i realise that there are so much differences we had. We tried but it didn't seem that we could overcome it. Maybe, i am not trying hard enough. I feel blessed as we could have been worse of had we continue. Then again, only Allah knows whats best for us. Especially at certain times where we feel we are so in different worlds as mentioned above. Maybe, there's someone else involved. Maybe its an old flame. Oh Lord Almighty, once again, please help me remove this negative aspect of me when questions are not being answered.

As i've said again and again, i'm a very weak person mentally. I hate question marks. They just give me sleepless night. Well, what to do. I have to seek my own solace. I've made a mistake and i have to pay for it.

I have not known the truth for all that are happening now. All i am doing now is assuming and suspecting. In terms of policing, i've got the leads, i pursued it and all i got was circumstancial evidence. Please oh please, i don't like this negative aspect of. Please change Wandi.

Please Oh Lord, i seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed.

I really need someone who can understand me to talk with. Other than Jannah of course, my relationship is already down the thrash and i don't want to be a factor to destroy others relationship. Its not good. It guess its also against the akhlak to talk to someone who is already attached and share problems. No offence yeah.

I guess i have go on the missing person act. I guess i will be able to go through this. Insyallah. For now i would respect privacy. Its ok to cry alone i guess. Only God knows. And no one else. And i hope she won't read this. I don't want to be seen as telling the whole world my problems. However, thats how i've been, if i feel i need to talk it out but have no other to talk to, i blog. Thats also like talking. You can read the post fews years back. There are similiarities. For now, sorry if i don't reply tags. I really appreciate those who are reading. Whether those i know or strangers.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

EmoniCcations

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Sometimes, i think that i know this and that. Sometimes, i think doing this and that would please others. Sometimes others think doing this and that might hurt me. Sometimes others think doing this and that would please me.

I realise that sometimes if not most of the times we tend to misunderstand the other party. Whether its family, friends, loved ones, colleagues or whoever we meet. Thus, i tend to realise that emotions during a communication is very important. If we let our emotions affect us during a conversation, it might have good or bad consequences. In my case, its always bad consequences.

To you, i know i might have been hurt by your actions. Nonetheless, i realise that my actions may hurt you more than i am feeling now. No words can describe the feeling now. Thinking, seeing, hearing you just hurt me, gives me anger, suspicion and more jealousy. Thus, i think its better we stay apart from each other for sometime to erode the feelings since we had already given our best but things don't work out. I hope you pray for my best as much as i am praying that everything you do and get will be the best. Hate, jealousy and suspicion aside, i know you have strength and weakness. Maybe your weakness and my weakness just cannot coincide to give us the relationship that we want. Maybe, someone out there for you and me would be a better choice. It sucks to know that we have to go like this but i think this might be the best, for Allah is the best of planners, He knows what is good for our future.

I'm sorry for all the things said and done. I just hope that whatever i said, the good or the bad, you put it to thought and rationalise yourself and judge whether i am speaking the truth especially when it comes to fairness and the past 7 days. Insyallah, i will put your words to thought too. To make myself a better person.

I'm sorry that we have to be like this. I appreciate that everyone give me time alone. That includes family, close friends, friends and whoever not. I will seek solace seeking knowledge. Insyallah. Take care everyone. This blog might be quiet for sometime.

Oh Lord, please lighten the burden that my shoulders are carrying know. Keep my faith strong in facing whatever challenges You may put to me. Amin.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

The Difference

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Just a random observation. Sometimes i wonder if my mum knows what she is reading. Well, whether she knows or not, she had been au fait with reading the Quran. She does it quite beautifully though. Lately, i've been hearing verses that are familiar. Just like the other day, i heard to verse of the throne and today, the verse on marriage.

I know saying this will hurt others but i guess i have to say it. I don't know if i made the right choice. Things are so different now. Its no longer like this time. People change and instead of changing for the better, they change for the worse. There's nothing i can do though. This is to please them. Asking them not to do this and that. Or asking them to do this and that, might not please them. So i just have to follow them to make them contented. They refuse to sacrifice like last time. I feel so different and sometimes i wonder whats the point of getting together. I don't know why they are so intent on talking and using the past as a weapon when they want a better future. They just refuse to use think maturely. I think i am regretting this. I have just to be patient and see how it goes. Well, i guess this is retribution for what i had done last time. Maybe, i was like this last time thats why i am getting all this now. The only thing i can do now is just be patient.

Once again, challenges by challenges. By month end, i think i will have to go public. I don't think i have enough cash to renew my insurance and road tax. Once again, another challenge. I have i just have to bear the challenges of life no matter how hard it is.

Oh Lord Almighty, please keep my faith strong to go through whatever challenge you will put me and ease the challenges that i will go through.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Izharul Haq

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most Merciful. Peace be upon you.

Izharul haq; the truth revealed. Today, i am not talking the book that reveals the truth on the bible. Rather the Izharul Haq here refers to me and the truth that had been exposed to me.

As i've said before, the truth when revealed, is painful, unpleasant and not something that many will accept. However, i've realised that the unpleasant and painful things are those that teach us invaluable lessons. Swallow the bitter medicine to heal yourself. Sometimes i wonder why is it so hard to get rid of certain bad habits after realising it.

Many a times, its not that i don't know my flaws but i just can't seem to get rid of it. I realise that i am a very insensitive person as i shoot straight at others with my comments and thats the reason that i can accept the bad things others tell me. I mean no mischief with my words. I just hope that others realised that i mean well.

However, being able to accept is not enough. More importantly, i must be able to change. Change for the better that is. Sadly, i doubt for the past 2 years i've made great change for the better. Personally, i feel that in certain areas, i am getting worse. For example, emotional management. Be it anger or excitement. I doubt i've learned anything from my past relationship. It hurts me to know that. No matter how much i change to suit others, at the end of the day, i am still not a popular character wherever i go. People just seem to dislike me or prefer me not to be around. I may just be deducing this from content analysis or this may be the truth. Whatever it is, I AM ABLE TO ACCEPT that. The problem here is that WHAT IS IT THAT PEOPLE HATE ME SO MUCH?!!!! If i know, i will change. If i don't know, i can't change.

Thats all for today i guess. One of my close colleagues went MIA after some problems maybe its time i follow suit.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Cause and Effect

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, Most gracious, Most merciful. Peace be upon you.

Well, i've been busy lately and finally found a bit of time to blog. I wonder what kept me busy despite not having to go to work or school. Haha. I realised that the blogs of others are strewned with pictures, mine are only with words. Well, i guess thats me. It had been and will be part of me.

Cause and effect. That the talking point for today.

Many a times, when we do or say something, we do not think of the repercussion. The words or actions \during emotional turbulence has a lot of disastrous implication for which we don't realise or when we realise, the damage had been done. There are times when we can repair the damage but there are times when the damage is permanent and there's no repair for it.

I fall to the category of those who have poor emotion management. Be either the good emotions or the bad emotions. Thats my weakness. Its a known secret. For those who put me to the test, behold, i might blow. I want to change, change for the better but it seems that this is an uphill task. I hope i will change.

Also, when others do something, even the slightest thing. I will ask questions. I've been like that. Its actually not a good thing to ask questions. I know that and i just hope i will change that too. When these questions don't get answer, i will analyze the content/situation and deduce my own answer. On many occasion, the answer that i deduce just demoralise me and make me feel like crap. It breaks my world apart especially when it involves a loved one. Thats why i like to ask and get answer. Preferably, when the question is already in my mind, the person give me an answer. Well, no one can read my mind though.

Things are getting back to square one. I am going back to where i start a few years back. The good things are getting lesser and the rubbish are getting more. I've seen first hand, a friend of mine who changed 360 degrees after a failed relationship. Maybe, i may be in that league of guys, maybe not. May Allah, protect me from the negative aspect of life and make my time on His earth a meaningful one to everyone including Him.

At this moment, though, its back to square one. I feel like i am in year 2007. I don't know how things are going to improve. I just hope it will.

Part of me is telling myself to isolate myself from everything and everyone. Maybe, by coming back to Bishan, i've started to move backwards and not forward. In terms of everything. I guess i am coming back to the age when i was 18 and had nothing.

Oh Allah, please lift out of this challenge with success. Nonetheless, i guess its something i can handle. Just a matter of how to. No words can describe the stage i am going through. Its only Him who can help me now. I have no one else. Well, i never had anyone who understands me thoroughly. I hope i had and i hope i will.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Expectations

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, The compassionate, The Merciful. Peace Be Upon You.

Well, i guess challenges are what that keep us going. There's no challenge a man cannot take. Its stated in 2:286.

"On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear...".

The verse continue but at the gist of it, it stated clearly that no matter what challenge we are getting, will get or had gotten in the past, its manageable and there's no need to do result to taking our lives away or just go astray as a result of some incident.

Nonetheless, i am also trying to remind myself of this.

Many questions are left unanswered and here we go again with the mind games. Well, there's nothing much i can do but to pray Lord and just work hard for my future. Tough times don't last i guess, touch men do. Insyallah. I blame no one but myself for the suffering as i know its my fault that is this suffering is happening. Its not the first and hopefully its the last time. I have to learn. Learn and change WANDI!

I am praying for this tough time to end soon. Insyallah.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the world.

Peace be upon you.

Shifting?

I might be shifting to another blog. Well, see how. Might shift or might not shift.

Tail bone and right ring finger is hurting after that accident today afternoon.

That accident could be a blessing in disguise though. Nvm its ok.

Misconception in Islam. To strive and to struggle, Jihad

I seek refuge from the cast off the satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, The compassionate, The merciful. Peace be upon you.

One of the many words that has always been misused and misunderstood. They always talk about Jihad, Jihad and Jihad. War. Shedding blood and killing the innocent to spread Islam and fight the truth. They forget, that in the Quran, there are verses which Allah clearly states that what they are doing are totally wrong. Example in 5:32 and 2:256. So, Lord Almighty tells us of a way to win the hearts of the unbelievers and its stated in Surah Nahl, verse 125. My favourite verse.

"Invite (all) to the way of the Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious, for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path and who receive guidance".
An-Nahl:125

However, I am assuming they are using the verse 2:216 to fuel their ideology.

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not".

Al-Baqarah:216

Yusuf Ali said in his commentary, that nothing is more greater than to offer your life to fight for the truth. On the other hand, if you are a mere brawler, vainglorious bully or fighting for the wrong reasons, you deserve the highest censure.

Sometimes i wonder what is in their minds. The minds of the Muslim Extremist. I mean, come on, get a life. Why kill yourself to kill others or kill others to win. I personally find preaching, like how Deedat, Zakir and many more out there more interesting. Like these speakers had said, the sword of intellect is what we should use and not the sword of hercules. 100% agreed. Win their hearts and not life.

Up till today, i still do not agree with the idea of violence against the innocent and of course will disagree with the principles of extremist till time ends.. Its a principle. Taught by the Quran.

Nonetheless, of course the media reflects badly on Islam. They are over exaggerating but what is it that we can do to improve the image? We don't control the media. Thus, the first thing to do is stop this rubbish violence. And of course, this random thought came. Qouting out of context or banning someone for that is simply showing our lack of understanding of the English language.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the Worlds.

Peace be upon you.

Platonic or not

I seek refuge from the cast off satan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

I've been keeping this. Well, i guess i wish for something. Maybe a few things. I just need a break. A getaway. If i can afford it that is. I was also thinking that somehow, since last time, i need a girlfriend. What i mean here is a female friend, for a platonic relationship. Somehow, if i get someone who is presentable and of course she must be able to connect. I used to have a few but now they are gone. Sometimes feelings can spoil a friend. I just wish that if i find someone who is suitable to be a platonic female friend, i must take care of that friendship and just treat her like a sister. Not to let my emotions and feelings spoil that friendship. I used to have it with Cherry and Jessie. We decide to commit then things don't work out. Now, back to square one. I'm single again. Declaring it officially after 1 week. Now, just have to seek solace. As i've said in the past, i'm a master pretender. Pretending things to be ok on the surface but actually its not. haha. Its ok, i guess i just have to settle my problems alone. May Allah bless me. Insyallah.

Sometimes things we ask for we don't get. I always wanted women like this and like that. Life like this and like that. Education like this and that. Want to become this and that. But don't get it. Maybe i am not trying hard enough. I've found something in relation to that and its below at the end of this post.

All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the worlds. Peace be upon you.

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not".

Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 216

Nisa(women)

I seek refuge from the cast off syaitan, the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

First and foremost, this post is about Nisa which means women and not Muhaimin girlfriend. Well, there's a chapter in the Quran, surah An-Nisa meaning chapter women. However, todays' post will be no reference to surah An-Nisa.

Before i get going, let me digress a bit. I am rather impressed by Jannah parents knowledge of the Quran. Well, you see, Jannah name itself, Nurul Jannah in arabic Nur means light and Jannah means heaven. Her brothers name, is one of the 99 names of Allah. Al-Mateen, is one of the 99 names/attributes of Allah which means The Firm. Which means to say Allah is one who is very steadfast. Of course, you can't name your child the same as the names of Allah, thus the word 'Al' is removed when naming someone thus making it Mateen which means steadfast/firm. Maybe her parents are well versed in the Quran. Alhamdullilah. This is a lesson in itself. I should then read and understand the Quran.

I'm very impressed by the Asmaul Husna. If people ask you attributes of God, tell them the Asmaul Husna. I remember a few and i'll share.

Allah - The God. The only one Almighty and the only one worthy of worship

Ar-Rahman - The All Merciful

Ar-Rahim - The All Compassionate

Al-Malik - The Absolute Ruler, King of Kings

Al-Ghani - The Rich One

Ar-Razzaq - The Sustainer

An- Nafi - The creator of good

Al-Qayyum - The Self Existing One

Al-Muhaymin - The preserver of safety

As-Salaam - The source of peace

Al-Mateen - The Firm

Al-Alim - The Knower of all

Ok thats 12 of out 99 names. I have a list but i guess i'll leave you to explore the rest. If you are looking for a site to check out the names, check this site out. www.asmaulhusna.com

Nisa. Women. Beautiful creatures created by God Almighty to accompany and care for men. You see i am attached and yeah grateful of that. However, there are a lot of things i don't like about women that my girlfriend have. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Her size, her temper, her pampered attitude, her smoking habit, her lack of attention for detail and many more. Nonetheless, i praise the Lord for giving her to me. Despite her shortcomings, she still contributed a hell a lot to this relationship and she's been supporting me. Alhamdullilah. Thank you my dear Jessie. I am not perfect and i guess i am worse than any being walking this earth thus lets keep on improving for the better and head to the straight path.

From this, i've learnt that getting a perfect women is never possible. Just as i always joke with my girlfriend about Pauline lah, Angeline lah, Hui Chen lah. Yeah they are beautiful and nice people but i am confident they have their shortcomings. The only perfect creatures in this world are the Prophets of God. Other than that everyone is normal. Not perfect. Even the comrades of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) are not perfect. If this men, the caliphs of Islam, those who have contributed so much to Islam are not perfect, what else we normal beings who are full of sins and shortcomings. I'm not saying that those people mentioned above are lousy and etc cause i never get to make them my partners but as i've said, they are great people but with shortcomings just like me.

Thus, being humans, we are created to have desires and are never perfect. Man or women. Women always seek the perfect men and men always seek the perfect women. Let me tell you. No man or women is perfect. If you are able to make them perfect, you'll turn them into a robot. Nonetheless, we should learn to improve. Before we can improve, we need to accommadate. Once we have accommadated to each other and get used to it, we improve. Slowly but surely. Insyallah. Improve for the better and not the worse. As i'm saying this, i am also reminding myself to always control my temper, accommadate, advice and improve together with Jessie.

Thats all for tonight.

Wa al Hamdu li Allah Rabbb al 'Alamin (All praise and gratitude is due to Allah, the Lord and Sustainer of the Worlds). Peace be upon you.

Control

I seek refuge from the cast off syaitan the cursed. In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Peace be upon you.

Being attached to CNA taught me a lot of valuable things. One of those things i've learnt is Control.

At site, if there's no control over the ACMV equipment(s), you can't provide comfort for the users and make a mockery out of your BMS system. On the roads, if you can't control your machine, you might end up 7 feet underneath. At home, work or school, if you can't control your emotions, you might make a mess out of a small issue. One word, plenty of meaning and application that we can put to good use.

Well, it seems i'm having tough luck with women. Is it fate or is it just that i am not working hard enough. She's not the first and i hope she will be the last of what i called 'string of failed relationships'. If we get back together, i hope we can really really promise ourselves to do good and be good for our own benefit. I'm not hoping though cause i realise that i'm too much of a perfectionist. This is where i need a physchiatrist. I need to learn to work on some of my short comings. Maybe its time to refer back to the book. Oh my, in this para., when i mention you, you know who you are. I've never blamed you and never shall i slander you or speak bad about you. Thats what i was taught in surah An-Noor, verse 4 and also surah Al Hujraat, verse 11. I guess its time to memorize the book and put its teaching to good use. I know i am like this. Perhaps its because of my upbringing. Then again, today Abang Noor, the Keppel FMO engineer said, don't always blame the design. Blame yourself for not being able to make full use of the design and work out possible solutions to improve the quality of the design. In my context, God Almighty had already designed my past like this, there's no way i can change it, i just have to take it in my stride, learn from it and improve my future.

Wa la Haula Wala Quwatta Illa billa hil alliyil azeem; There's no strength nor power without Allah. Don't get it wrong the kalimah wrong. Many tend to misunderstand it and many more who abuse it. The Quran, is ambigous, flawless and it doesn't preach bad things.

There are people who just refers back to the Quran and say, oh this is just faith when they fail or when they are going through a hard time. When they are enjoying, the forget the Quran. These are the people who gives the Quran a bad name. Making people think that the Quran preach bad things, making a mockery out of the Muslim ummah and Islam. Like Deedat said, as much as there are bad people of other religions, there are also bad Muslims. As much as i'm typing this out for the benefit of anyone who reads this post intently, i'm also reminding myself to be a person who is grateful to God for His blessing and rewards. Well, till the day we die, we'll never know what was destined or not. As it stated in Surah Al-Fatiha, verse 3, Thee do we serve and thee we beseech for help. Work hard, pray hard and Insyallah, by the grace of God, everything we ask for would be granted.

If you think that the Islam preach radical teachings, terrorism and rubbish, think again. Don't point your fingers to the Ummah, point to the book. If you think the Quran is preaching bad things, point a finger at it and say that it is preaching the wrong thing. Rest assured, you'll never be able to do that. Unless, you misunderstand the teachings of the holy Quran like some of the Muslim men tend to. For example when it comes to marriage, a handful of them will claim to be able to marry up to 4 wives. They are not wrong but remember, Surah An-Nisa, verse 3, ...Marry women of your choice by 2, 3 or 4 but if you fear that you can't do justice between the four of them; marry only ONE. When it comes to marriage, marrying older women, divorce and etc, they refer back to the Quran and teachings of Muhammad(pbuh). When it comes to prayers, donations, taking care of women and etc, the use their own principles. They never refer back to the book. The book where all the solutions had been laid out, many of us can read it but not many can understand it. Any problem. You say it, there's a solution for it in the Quran. I assure you. Long before Nostradamus predicted things, Allah had already sent down a book where everything is told.

I really don't know where i am heading now. I just have to control my emotions, work hard and pray hard. Oh lord, keep me on the straight way, the way of those you have bestowed favours upon and not of those whom your wrath will be brought upon or those who go astray. Insyallah.

Oh ya, what do you think of Wandi being a taxi driver? I'm considering that for my future. I see a lot of benefit for it despite the contrary.

Henceforth, i'll try to write something from the book, which i have been reading the translation. I hope i'm sharing something knowledgeable for everyone.

For this post, i think this verse interest me the most.

Al-Quran, 2:3, "Those who believe in the unseen, keep up to their prayer and spend what we have given to them". I find this verse very very meaningful.

**I proclaim NOT to be an Ulama, Sheikh or Ustaz. Qoutations and translations of the Quran are from my off hand knowledge, IPhone app and the book titled "The Meaning of the Holy Quran" by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. Any misqoutations or translations, please appraise me in my tagboard. I'm just trying to put every verse to good use. Many of us think that His teachings are obselete and does not apply to the modern world. You are wrong. Nonetheless, to each his or her own. There's no compulsion in religion and you shall have your religion, i shall have mine.

May Allah, Al-Alim, have mercy on my soul for the lack of knowledge.